When I Knew You & Me Would Never Be
by Halawen
Summary: Clare leaves the hoedown with a broken heart thinking that's as bad as her night can get. She has no idea how wrong she is. Vince & his gang find her upset, a wounded lamb surrounded by wolves, & they take advantage. A/U story w/Zare friendship, Cladam friendship, Clowen friendship, Flare & Zaya. Trigger warnings please read ANs.
1. Feel the Burn but I Don't Feel the Pain

**Welcome to my new short stories and also my centennial! Yep this makes **_**100 stories**_** can you believe it? I feel like I should celebrate or something. **

**Legal stuff: I own nothing but the idea. This starts out dark and contains rape and other possible trigger warnings please read with caution. I do not condone rape this story is purely for entertainment purposes.**

**All the important things to know before you read(some of this is repeated in Clare's monologue but some people don't read the big paragraphs)**

***Zoe doesn't exist**

***Adam didn't die**

***Fitz still works at The Dot**

***Drew and Bianca broke up amicably at Thanksgiving**

***Drew and Clare began growing closer with her chemo brain stuff ~ Adam saw and didn't mind**

***Since Zoe doesn't exist Drew never dated her went out with lots of random girls instead and Luke hasn't been arrested**

***Owen goes to U of T ~ Bianca is still friends with Drew and comes home every couple of months**

***Eli cheated on Clare but she took him back afraid of her feelings for Drew ~ she finally gives into them at the hoe down like the show**

***This starts with Sparks will Fly at the hoedown**

**Ch.1 Feel the Burn but I Don't Feel the Pain**

**(CLARE)**

"I won't be a rebound Clare," Drew says taking his hand from mine and I feel my heart twisting, wrenching and breaking.

"_Rebound! Who said anything about a rebound? I just told Eli that Drew was everything to me and he thinks he's a rebound! Since when? After what we just shared and what I just told Eli Drew is just going to walk away?!" _ My subconscious screams as I watch Drew walk into the crowd and away from me.

I start running without thought I just run, out of the building and away from DeGrassi, the faster my feet hit the ground the more the tears flow from my eyes. It's late December and snow falls around me, I didn't grab my jacket or purse from my locker and it must be minus four degrees outside but I don't feel it. I don't feel anything right now except for my heart breaking. I feel like my world has crumbled and been swallowed by darkness. At the moment I have no idea how much my world will crumble and how truly dark it will get.

I run for blocks getting farther and farther away from the school and from Drew, I stop running only when I get stopped by someone, or rather run into them. The guy, I know it's a guy even through the thick jacket he's wearing, takes my arms pulling me away from him a little and I realize that I'm surrounded by more guys. They're all teenagers around my age and of all skin colors. The one holding my arms is black and he looks vaguely familiar.

"What's the matter Saloon Girl? Hot girls dressed for Halloween don't usually go running down the street with no jacket in late December," the boy comments.

"Nothing I'm fine," I reply trying to get away because I have an uneasy feeling being surrounded by so many unfamiliar guys.

"No one cries that much when they're fine, come on Saloon Girl it's freezing out here and you have no coat. Come with us we'll take you somewhere warm," the guy says. His voice is calm and there's a comforting tone to it but there's something underneath that comfort, something I don't really trust. The guy takes off his jacket putting it on my shoulders, his friends move a little closer to me and I don't think I have much of a choice. I could try to run but the boy keeps his arm around me and I doubt running is an option. "I'm Vince and these are my boys, so what's your name Saloon Girl?" Vince asks as we start walking and some of "his boys" move in front of us so I'm surrounded. His name is familiar too, I know I don't know him and he doesn't go to DeGrassi but there is something so familiar about his face and his name, if I could think clearly I'm sure I could place him but I can barely think at all just now.

"Clare," I reply in a shaky voice wiping away some tears. "I should really get home," I assert in a stronger voice.

"Don't worry Clare we'll take you home but you can't go home upset," Vince tells me as one of the guys in the front opens a metal door leading to a dark room.

Someone turns on a light and I see a room, it looks sort of like a storage room with carpet. There's spray paint on the walls, a sofa in the middle of the room, a fridge across from the sofa and an old pool table behind it. There are also beer cans and beer bottles strewn about, drug paraphernalia and clothes are also thrown about.

"You know I feel much better now I should really go," I assert trying to turn and leave as the growing pit in my stomach gets big enough to fall into.

"I told you we'll take you home later, get her a beer," he commands the others and one of them starts walking toward the fridge.

"No alcohol please," I squeak while Vince takes my hand, pulls me to the sofa and into his lap. At least the other boy listens and brings me a bottle of water instead of a beer.

"So what's with the saloon dress?" He asks trailing a finger over the neckline.

"I was at the hoedown at DeGrassi," I explain before sipping at my water. I'm far too frightened and too much has gone on this evening for me to think of a lie.

"And the hoedown was really terrible and hokey so you left in tears?" Vince asks.

"Not exactly," I shake my head.

"Then what had you running through the streets in tears Saloon Girl?" Vince questions fingering the feather in my hair.

"I had my heart broke," I reply. I really don't want to be telling them the truth but I really can't think of a lie and my frightened nervous energy is making it impossible to be silent. "I never should have fallen for Drew Torres," I say mostly under my breath.

Vince's posture changes, he sits a little straighter, his arm that was loosely around my waist tightens and from the corner of my eye I see him make an evil grin. I try to get up but he holds me down tight putting his other arm around me and his head comes down to my ear, I can feel his breath and I shiver. A terrified tear creeps from the corner of my eye as my breath seizes in my throat.

"He is an asshole, you know I really think you need something stronger than water," Vince comments as one of his boys hands him a beer. I shake my head but he holds it to my lips, one of them holds my nose until I open my mouth and he tips the beer up forcing it down my throat until I begin to choke. He takes the beer away and I spit out most of what's in my mouth, it gets on my dress and one of the guys. I take a couple of deep breaths and wipe my mouth while Vince kisses my neck. "Let's have some fun," he whispers in my ear.

I know I'm about to be raped and I try to run but this is futile as I'm outnumbered seven to one. I struggle as they get me to the ground, I hear my dress ripping, I feel them all grabbing at me and I'm forced to the ground. I can hear myself screaming, I try to fight and scratch but they hold my arms and force my legs apart.

"She needs something stronger to drink, open wide," one of them says forcing me to drink from a liquor bottle. The alcohol is very strong and stings my throat, I start to cough take a gasp of air and they force me to drink again. The world is blurry and I lose the will to fight, I'll never fight my way out of this so my brain goes into survival mode and I go limp, when I do so they release my arms. Instead of fighting the alcohol consumption I drink as much as I can, hoping that at the very least it numbs me but mostly I hope I pass out. "Yeah that's better, alcohol makes everything better," the guy laughs taking the empty bottle.

I realize my panties are gone and Vince is taking his pants down, everything around me is fuzzy and the guys sound funny. They're making lewd comments and cheering Vince on and I know they're talking about me but it's almost funny. When Vince penetrates me the pain of it brings back my fight instinct. I scream out and try to push him away scratching his chest.

"She needs something stronger, hold her down, Jim inject her," Vince orders as he starts to pull out and my arms are held again, held to the ground by their knees. I'm crying again, the world isn't fuzzy anymore just painful and then I feel my arm being held out and real still, a tourniquet goes around it and they find a vein. I think they're going to take my blood and I start laughing for some inexplicable reason. However instead of something being taken I feel something entering my veins, coursing through my body and then a moment of euphoria. "Yeah that's better no more fighting. You know I like you Saloon Girl I think I just found my new Bianca," Vince grins. He's thrusting hard but I don't feel the pain just the motion, it's such an odd feeling knowing I'm being raped and brutalized but whatever they gave me has me floating and almost serene.

"I know Bianca, she was engaged to Drew," I comment and my voice sounds so weird.

Vince just laughs and keeps going while I become amused by the sounds and sights around me, obviously altered by whatever drug they gave me. It doesn't last long, it must mix with the alcohol or maybe they gave me too much. Either way my serenity starts to shatter, I begin to panic, I think I begin to fight and then I'm swallowed by a darkness so black I don't think I'll ever see light again.

**(ZIG)**

It started with a favor.

Vince and his gang stopped me from getting beat up by a couple of guys one night. That one favor indentured me to Vince and he asked me to hold some drugs for him, and that led to me being in his control. Now I was pretty sure I could never get out unless I died, even if Vince died or went to jail someone else would take over. He spent a year in jail after shooting Adam at prom, it should have been more but most of his convictions were overturned on some technicality, I don't know all the details but I've heard them talking about it. Vince was released this summer and took his gang back, so while Maya and Tris were in Paris this summer I was hoping I could survive this gang long enough to graduate high school. The one good thing about it was that I'd made a pretty good friend in Tiny. Miles and his dad had a friend that was trying to help us get away from the gang and I was now living at Maya's. But Vince found me, threatened Maya and her family and just like that I was back in.

Which is why I'm spending my Saturday morning walking through the snow to his safe house on Logan. After the hoedown last night I wanted to spend my Saturday at home with Maya but Vince called and I came. I open the heavy metal door and it makes an ear splitting _CREAK _as I step through. Most of the guys are on the sofa drinking beer, a few sit on the floor and this is all normal. What isn't a sight I was expecting, stops my heart and churns my stomach is the sight of a girl lying on the floor. She wears black boots, black dress and a black feather in her short light brown hair. I know her, I saw her just last night, only for a minute but I know it's Clare! My heart starts racing and I run over to her.

"Clare," I gasp while turning her over. Her dress is ripped she has bruises on her arms and a needle mark on her arm. "Crap what did they do?" I whisper under my breath but they hear me.

"She was fun," Vince grins and Clare groans.

I open her eyelids, her eyes are rolled back but I know she's breathing, her breath smells of alcohol. She's hung over, coming down from a high or both. I feel like I can't breathe, I knew Vince and other members of the gang were bad and I'd hear them talk about bad things they'd done. Vince talked a lot about Bianca and what he'd do to her if he ever had the chance, and Drew he often talked about getting revenge on Drew for his part in things. But Clare had nothing to do with all that, she was innocent in this and had nothing to do with Vince and his gang, how did she even end up here?

"Clare, wake up, Clare look at me," I command her shaking her lightly.

She groans again and I sit her up, her eyes open slowly and she squints at me, "Eli I don't feel good."

She thinks I'm Eli, she's not in her right mind, I see her struggle to keep her eyes open and she grips onto me. I get my arm around her and help her to stand, when Vince starts coming over she tenses up and her breath catches in her throat.

"What do you think you're doing?" Vince asks.

"I'm taking her home, you can't just keep her here," I respond.

"I think I might throw up," Clare says holding her hand to her mouth.

"Fine get her out of here but give me my money first," Vince orders.

I get out my wallet and give him the cash from the last batch of drugs I sold, mostly at school, then get Clare out of there as fast as I can. When we're outside I realize she has no jacket on, she can also barely stand let alone walk. We make it about half a block and I set her on a bus stop bench. I take off my leather jacket giving it to Clare, I still have a hoodie on but it's freezing outside and I shiver. Clare wraps my jacket around her and lays down on the bench while I get out my phone.

"Hey Zig," Tiny answers.

"I need your help, I'm at Logan and Gerrard and I'm with Clare. She can't walk, she's barely conscious I need to get her home," I tell him.

"Clare who?"

"Clare the student body vice president."

"Oh that Clare. My dad's asleep I'll borrow his car and be there in five," he says and hangs up.

I put my phone away and my mind races, I'm sure they raped her, who knows what they gave her and what else they did to her. I wonder if I should call Adam, or the cops even but I don't do either. If I call the cops I could just as easily be arrested, besides Clare is in no state to tell the cops what happened. Knowing what little I do about Clare I'm sure she wouldn't want me to call Adam, and what little I know about her comes from Adam talking about her during Whisper Hug rehearsal.

Tiny pulls up in his dad's car and he helps me get Clare into the back seat. Thankfully I actually know where she lives, only because Adam dropped something off to her once after a Whisper Hug practice and he was dropping me at home. We get to Clare's house but her door is locked and I don't see a spare key anywhere. I try asking if she has a spare key and she responds by vomiting in the plants under the kitchen window. Tiny walks around the house and finds a way to break in because he opens the door from the inside and helps me get her in.

"Her room must be upstairs all I can think to do is let her sleep it off," I comment. Her room is the first one at the top of the stairs and we get her on the bed.

"We'll have to check on her often, we should make some coffee and force her to drink some water," Tiny says.

"Check her kitchen I'll make her comfortable and get her out of that ripped dress," I tell him.

Tiny nods and leaves the room, I take the barrette and feather out of her hair, get her boots and socks off and then I start taking off her dress. She starts to cry, shrinking away from me and I stop.

"Not again please," she cries and my stomach sinks, my heart breaking and a lump the size of Mount Everest. "_What did they do to you Clare? What did they do to you?"_

"Clare you're safe, it's me Zi…" I almost say my name but she thought I was Eli before and she barely knows me. "You're safe it's Eli, I just want to get you comfortable to sleep," I tell her. Her eyes flutter and she squints at me before nodding. I unzip her dress and get it off but leave her strapless bra on, mostly because I'm afraid to touch it and scare her. Clare's panties are missing but I'm not surprised. I find a loose t-shirt in her dresser and get that on her then cover her with a quilt at the foot of her bed just as Tiny comes back.

"Here she should drink this and I put up some coffee, she's coming down and hung over or possibly a little high again. She was wearing that last night so she's been there what 14 hours, 16 maybe? They could have done so much to her in that time," Tiny remarks handing me a glass of water.

"Clare have some water," I tell her sitting her up holding the glass to her lips. She takes the glass and drinks the whole thing. Clare groans and falls back on the bed, for a second my heart stops thinking she just passed or died.

"Tired, don't feel well," she gripes curling onto her side.

"Sleep we'll be downstairs," I tell her.

"What about her parents?" Tiny questions when we get downstairs.

"I don't know, I'm pretty sure I remember hearing they had gone to visit her stepbrother but if they come back we'll have to think of something to tell them," I reply.

We sit on the sofa and turn on the TV, after an hour we take Clare more water and make sure that she drinks. She's not so out of it but she's really tired and can hardly open her eyes. Aside from that we sit on the sofa and watch TV trying not to think about what Vince and the others might have done to her.

There was a part of me that used to think Vince's threats against Maya were idle threats to keep me controlled. I knew Drew had been beaten by them before and that Adam got shot at prom, but Drew meddled and the gun had been aimed at Drew not Adam. A part of me used to believe even Vince wouldn't go after the innocent like Maya, and all their talk was just talk. After seeing what they did to Clare I know they aren't just idle threats and just the thought of Maya being hurt by Vince is something I can't bear.

Realizing I need to tell Maya's mom why I'm not home yet I text her phone and say that I'm with Tiny playing video games. After sleeping a couple of hours, and one of us making sure she's still breathing every 15 or 20 minutes, we hear footsteps on the stairs. I turn off the TV and stand up with Tiny just as Clare becomes visible. She's wearing a robe, her hair is messed up and she looks exhausted even after all that sleep.

"So I wasn't dreaming then," she comments in a voice graveled by sleep and fear. Her hope that it was all a dream pops like a fragile bubble and so does Clare. She starts shaking and crying, we go to her to hold her but she backs away with her arm out to keep us at bay. So we stand there and watch her helplessly, she takes a minute and a few deep breaths before speaking again. "How did we get to my house?"

"I found you at one of Vince's hide outs and called Tiny he borrowed his dad's car," I explain and she nods.

"You should go to the cops now that you're conscious and talking," Tiny says.

"And tell them what? I barely remember what happened," Clare responds in a venomous tone but I'm sure she didn't mean it for us. "I ran out upset and then they were there and surrounding me and I couldn't get away. I tried to fight but they forced me to drink alcohol and when I started fighting again they injected me with something that took the pain away. And then Vince mentioned something about Bianca," she rants semi-hysterically before looking at us. "Shit that's him isn't it? He shot Adam he should be in jail why isn't he in jail?"

She's shaking again and crying so much we can barely understand her, she leans against the wall at the bottom of the stairs and sinks down. I sit down on the floor and so does Tiny, Clare puts her head down and we just watch her, wanting to hold her but afraid of scaring her.

"Clare you need to go to the hospital and get looked at. You need to be tested for STIs at least," Tiny tells her in a calm voice and she looks up at us nodding.

"I'll go get dressed," she says quietly and starts to stand but she's shaking and seems to be in pain.

She goes upstairs slowly; Tiny and I watch her until she goes into her room. We almost go back to sit on the sofa but the doorbell rings. We look through the glass in the door to see Vince smiling at us; Jim, Terry, Matt and Brian are behind him. I consider not opening the door but I'm still not sure how Tiny got in and I am sure that Vince will find a way in if he wants to.

"What are you doing here?" I question.

"Checking on Saloon Girl Clare," Vince grins.

"Don't you think you've done enough just leave her alone," I spit back and Vince punches me hard in the stomach in response. I can't brace for it and I fold going down to my knees.

"Leave him alone," Clare shrieks running down the steps still in her robe. She runs to me, trying to bend down to me but Vince grabs her around the waist and holds her to him.

"Came to make sure you weren't going to do anything stupid like go talking to the cops," Vince tells her with his lips real close to her neck and Clare shivers. I stand up putting my hand on Tiny's shoulder for support.

"She needs to go to the hospital," Tiny speaks up.

"And file a rape report I don't think so," Vince shakes his head.

"I won't file one, I won't go to the cops but I need to be checked for STIs. I won't tell them I was raped I'll just go to the clinic and get an STI screening. I won't tell them anything about you," Clare pleads.

"You heard her Vince let us take her," I insist.

"Fine, Terry go with them and be sure she doesn't talk, if she says anything we'll take it out on Zig now and Torres later," Vince comments with a creepy stare and I swallow hard.

"I won't say anything, I need to get dressed please let me go," she requests and Vince releases her.

Clare stayed fairly calm and stoic but I can see in her eyes that it's all just for show; inside she's probably screaming and crumbling. As soon as Vince releases her she runs back to her room. The rest of us stand at the bottom of the stairs and wait for her, a tension building the longer we wait and at any moment it's going to explode. When we hear Clare's door open we look up the stairs, she doesn't come down she goes into the washroom and after a few more minutes she comes down. She has sweats on, tennis shoes and a thick winter coat with a wool hat and gloves.

"I'm thirsty I'm going out to the garage for a bottle of water," Clare tells us.

"Then we're going with you," Vince comments I guess thinking she'll run.

Clare leads the way to the garage, she goes to a fridge and most everyone stays back but I go to the fridge with her. She kneels down and opens a button on her jacket taking a plastic bag from inside her coat. I see some Q-tips in smaller plastic bags, same with a couple of cotton balls and something I can't make out in another. She puts the bag in the fridge and holds her finger to her lips telling me to be silent. Then grabs two water bottles handing me one and stands up.

"I can go alone," she says to Vince.

"I don't think so, I have to know that you won't talk, whose car is outside?" Vince questions.

"My dad's," Tiny replies.

"Tiny you drive, Saloon Girl where are your parents?" Vince inquires.

"They'll be home soon," she responds in a shaky voice.

"Now see that right there is a lie, don't lie to me I know one when I hear it now where are your parents?" Vince questions again.

"Gone, in B.C. visiting my stepbrother," Clare admits with her head down a little and biting her lip nervously when she's done.

"Good then we'll wait here for you, don't take too long," Vince tells her.

We all go back into the house, Vince and the others make themselves at home while the four of us go out to the car. Terry sits in back with Clare so I sit up with Tiny and he starts driving to the women's clinic.

**(CLARE)**

"I want an STI screening," I tell the lady at the reception desk of the clinic with Terry standing just behind me.

"Fill these out and sit down," she responds handing me a clipboard without looking at me.

I take it and it and sit by Zig, Terry sits on the other side of me. I'm pretending he isn't there but I keep getting flashes of him from last night. I close my eyes and look at Zig, he gives me a kind smile and I take a deep breath. I have to get through this and get home. I may not report the rape tonight or tomorrow, next week or next month or ever considering how everything turned out with Asher. I'm not stupid though, I clipped my nails and took vaginal swabs of my own, even combed my pubic hair for trace evidence, it's all in the bag in the fridge in the garage. When I get home and Vince leaves I'll hide it in the freezer so it's preserved.

I can't think about last night or the fear and the disgust will paralyze me so I think about Drew, I become angry and I'm able to fill out the forms. I take them to the registration desk and sit down again. I get called back after half an hour, Terry comes with me and tells them he's my boyfriend and I don't argue. They take some blood and a urine sample and then I'm done. The nurse saw the bruises on my arms but didn't ask, all they say is they'll call with the results. We return to my house in silence and I see that Vince and his gang have made themselves thoroughly at home when we go in.

"She didn't say anything, just had some blood drawn and peed in a cup. She did have to say that she had sexual intercourse in the last 24 hours on the form but didn't say it was rape or nothin'," Terry reports to Vince when we get back inside.

"I told you I wouldn't talk, I did what you wanted now please leave," I assert in as strong a voice as I can manage at the moment.

"I don't think so Saloon Girl, I like it here and I'm not totally convinced you want talk yet. Zig and Tiny can go but me and the rest of the boys are staying," Vince responds with a smirk, not a playful one like Eli but evil and vile.

"She won't talk, she did what you wanted just go and let her be," Zig speaks up in my defense. Vince's eyes narrow onto him, into tiny spiteful slits, he gets up and takes a few quick strides over to Zig before landing an explosive punch on Zig's face and he stumbles back. Vince catches him holding him by the shirt and pulling a switch blade from his pocket. I see the shiny silver blade and gasp as Vince holds it to Zig's neck.

"You talk too much Novak, do it again and I silence you for good. What we do with Saloon Girl is none of your business now get out," Vince commands in a slow tone and menacing voice.

"Go," I say to Zig and he looks at me, "you and Tiny go I'll be okay."

He looks unsure but I nod, I'd rather be left to the wolves than watch Vince kill Zig or even mutilate him. Vince puts the knife away, Tiny grabs Zig's arm and they walk to the front door looking back at me once before they leave.

"I knew I liked you Saloon Girl," Vince tells me putting his arm around me and bringing me to the sofa with him.

"I won't say anything I already told you, I won't go to the cops or report anything. I barely even remember last night," I comment trying to keep my voice strong but it wavers. I just want them to go, I want to break down, to scream and cry but not with them here, I won't let them see.

"I don't know if I believe you yet Saloon Girl but I like you, that's why you're still alive. Do you know what I learned in prison? I learned to not leave witnesses alive and if you do be sure they won't talk. You know I can take care of Drew for you, I know he broke your heart and I know he helped get me arrested. Won't beat him again, maybe stab him, you know if you're careful you can stab someone more than a dozen times and they'll die slowly from bleeding out," Vince remarks stroking my cheek and I have to swallow back the bile rising in my throat.

"No leave Drew alone, I won't say anything don't hurt Drew don't hurt anyone," I reply and my voice trembles as tears flood my eyes. Then my doorbell rings, the loud sound is startling and I jump.

"CLARE IT'S OWEN UP," he calls banging on the door.

"_Owen? What on earth is he doing here? How did he even know where I live?"_

"Who's that?" Vince questions growling just slightly but also tensing a little with fear.

"Owen, he's a good friend he went to school with me until graduating last year," I reply. Actually I don't know Owen at all, we aren't even acquaintances let alone friends but I'm hoping it will make them leave. "We were going to hang out today," I lie hoping it will be enough reason for Vince to go.

"CLARE?" Owen calls ringing the bell again.

"COMING," I yell back.

"B used to hang out with him, just remember not a word, if the cops come sniffing around I'll start getting rid of witnesses one by one. Let's go," Vince commands and he lets go of me. They quickly leave through the back and I go to the front door letting Owen in.

"What are you doing here?" I inquire closing the door.

"Got an urgent call from Zig asking me to check on you," Owen explains.

"I'm fine," I try to assure him but now that Vince and the others are gone I start to break down. Tears pour from my eyes and I'm shaking, I look away but he knows I'm not okay.

"You're obviously not, Zig said your parents are visiting Jake come on," Owen insists holding his hand out to me.

"Where are we going?"

"My place I'm not leaving you here alone, pack a bag you're staying over," he informs me in an authoritative tone.

I don't know Owen at all but I do know that he won't rape me or anything. So I go out to the garage, hide my bag of evidence in the freezer and then go upstairs. I quickly pack a bag with a change of clothes, pajamas and a toothbrush, make sure my house is thoroughly locked up and leave with Owen. I expect Owen to ask what happened but he doesn't say anything on the drive. Then again knowing what little I do of Owen I'm sure he's been in situations he didn't want to talk about, or couldn't talk about, before. I know he's going to U of T this year, I've heard Drew and Dallas talking about it, but I'm surprised he doesn't live on campus or at home but has an off campus apartment. I following him up to his third floor apartment and he unlocks the door.

"Hey roomie we have company for the night," Owen calls closing and locking the door when we're inside. His roommate comes out of one of the bedrooms and he's just as surprised to see me as I am to see him.

"Hey Clare," Fitz says giving me a kind smile, "what are you doing here?"

I open my mouth to make up an answer but instead break into tears, dropping my bag to the floor. I sink to my knees as I begin to shake no longer able to hold it together or be stoic, my seams of sanity burst and I fall apart.

**Update Thursday February 26****th**** picking up from right here possibly in Fitz or Owen pov. Also including more Zig and possibly Christmas.**


	2. Flesh Around me is Only Pretend

**Thanks to everyone who read, followed and/or favorited and especially those that take the time to review.**

**Chapters are probably going to be on the short side through March while I'm dealing with taxes at work. It makes for very long days and very little time for writing sadly.**

**Ch. 2 Flesh Around me is Only Pretend**

**(FITZ)**

Owen calls for me and I go out to the living room to see him standing with Clare. I never expected to see her, I ask what she's doing here and she just crumples. Dropping to her knees on the floor and bursting into tears like someone turned on. Owen sits down next to her; I walk over and sit on the other side of her. Clare brings her knees to her chest and sobs; I reach over and start rubbing her back softly.

"I'm sorry," she says softly in a voice barely audible because it's choked by tears, "I didn't mean to start crying."

"It's okay," Owen tells her as she starts wiping away her tears but I can feel her shaking since my hand is still on her back.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I offer and she shakes her head.

"Do you want to call Adam?" Owen suggests and Clare shakes her head again.

"No I don't want to take the chance of hearing the voice of his stupid jerk of a brother," Clare hisses in a tone filled with venom and pain.

"Oh Drew did something stupid," Owen states standing up and holding his hand out to Clare. She takes it and he helps her to stand, Owen escorts her to the sofa and I follow them. "So what did Drew do?" Owen questions as we sit down.

"I thought he'd changed, I thought he cared. We spent all semester growing closer and then we kissed at Thanksgiving after Eli cheated on me," Clare says but her voice is strained and she's kind of ranting. She's looking ahead at the TV but I know she's angry and she needs to get this stuff off her chest. She pulls her knees up and wraps her arms around her legs like she's protecting herself, although I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the need to protect herself from us. "Despite forgiving Eli for cheating and staying with him I couldn't deny my feelings for him and I thought he felt the same. Drew and I just kept getting closer and Eli never had time for me, not when I needed him anyway just when it was convenient for him. After Drew told me I needed to choose the guy that had time for me and would treat me the way I deserved I broke up with Eli. I had to do it over voicemail because he never answered his phone. I told Drew at the hoedown yesterday and we had sex in the storage room. I thought I was falling in love again I was so happy and then Eli showed up and Drew walked out. I fought with Eli, told him all that Drew had done for me in the last few months, all that he meant to me and told Eli we were done. I went to find Drew, I told him it was over with Eli and Drew had decided he was a rebound and walked away again. I ran out and…" she stops now, her voice breaking and so strained by pain and anger she can't talk anymore.

She puts her head down on her arms and just sobs, crying so hard her body is shaking. I look at Owen, I'm at a total loss for what to do or say. I don't know Drew at all, aside from beating him up once and serving him at The Dot. We had a couple of classes together but we didn't exactly interact. I know Clare fairly well and we have spent time together, not that much of it was good time but we've spent time together. I knew that Drew had been elected president last year and he had asked Clare to be his Vice President. I'd seen them in The Dot working on things for school. They seemed friendly but they weren't flirting, it does make sense that they would have gotten closer working together. On the other hand Owen spent a lot of time with Drew since they were both on the football team. They became pretty good friends and Owen barely knows Clare at all. Yet he showed up with her at our apartment tonight and she's bawling her eyes out over being jilted by Drew. Actually I think there's more going on, something she's not telling us either because she can't just yet or because she doesn't want to.

"Drew's an idiot, don't worry about him right now, you want to watch a movie? We have some good ones, some great classic comedies," I comment and hear Clare sniffle in her tears a little.

"Yeah we have some popcorn or ice cream if you prefer," Owen adds.

Clare's still crying and doesn't answer but she does nod. I get up and go to the DVD collection on the bookshelf, after looking through them a minute I pick out Naked Gun. I hold it up for Clare and she nods so I put it in the DVD player and turn on the TV. Meanwhile Owen is getting the ice cream in the freezer, he brings out every flavor we have along with three bowls and three spoons. We watch the movie and eat ice cream, at first Clare isn't laughing at all but by the end of the movie she's laughing. We keep watching movies for the afternoon and order pizza for dinner and continue watching movies for the evening.

"I'm getting tired," Clare yawns a little after ten and part way through a movie.

"Take my bed I can sleep on the sofa," I tell her.

"Okay thanks Fitz," she smiles. She uses the washroom and says goodnight before going back to my room.

When she has the door closed I look at Owen, "Okay so not that I'm not happy to have her here and let her sleep in my bed but what the hell happened?"

"I'm just as clueless as you are, all I know is I got a call from Zig telling me to get to Clare's house. He said her parents were out of town visiting Jake and I needed to go check on her. It took her a couple of minutes to open the door, she was kind of skittish and shaky said she was fine but I knew she wasn't so I brought her here," Owen tells me.

"You really think she's so upset over what happened with Drew?"

"No I don't think that's the only thing going on, I'm sure that's part of it but not all of it. Not that I've had all that much experience with heartbroken girls, still it seems she'd be less…afraid I think is what I'm getting from her. Fear and anger, she does seem to be angry enough," Owen remarks.

"Yeah," I nod, "something else is definitely going on."

**(CLARE)**

I wake up to my cell phone ringing, I don't recognize the number but it's local so and I assume it's the clinic. It is the clinic and they tell me I need to come in so I get up and get dressed again. I left my toothbrush in the washroom last night so I go brush my teeth and my hair. Fitz is sound asleep on the sofa and I'm tiptoeing around as quietly as I can. I gather my stuff and walk quietly to the front door, I start to open it and Fitz wakes up.

"What are you doing?" He yawns.

"Going home," I reply not wanting to explain why I have to go to the clinic.

"Your house isn't anywhere near here were you planning to walk?" He questions.

I really hadn't been paying too much attention of the length of the drive last night or where we were, just that we weren't near U of T. I hadn't put any thought into how I was getting where I was going either my own thought is I needed to get to the clinic. The possibilities of what they might have found is swirling through my mind and is pretty much all I'm thinking about. The terrible and terrifying possibilities are making me ill, my stomach is churning and I feel like vomiting.

"Yeah pretty much," I answer Fitz slowly.

"Just hang on I'll get dressed and take you," he says and I give him a small smile. Fitz goes back to his room and a few minutes later comes out in fresh clean clothes. He grabs his keys from by the door and we go down to his car, get in and he drives me home. "You sure you're going to be okay? You can always come hang out at our place, come with us to Owen's parents for Christmas Eve and Christmas day I'm sure they wouldn't mind," Fitz proposes.

"Thanks but I'll be fine and I'll go to my dad's for Christmas, it'll be a little awkward but better than being alone," I reply.

"Okay call us if you change your mind or want to hang out," Fitz tells me and gives me his and Owen's numbers.

"Thanks and thank Owen for me," I say to Fitz before getting out of the car.

Fitz watches me and I wave to him as I unlock the door, I lock it once I'm inside and wave to Fitz again as he drives away. As soon as he's gone I leave the house again and start walking, the clinic isn't too far and I'm dressed warm so I don't mind walking in the snow. I only get about a block before a black car pulls alongside me.

"Saloon Girl where do you think you're going?" Vince calls and I look over to see him driving the car, Terry and Matt are in the backseat.

"Back to the clinic they told me I needed to come back," I tell him as I continue walking and he continues driving alongside me very slowly.

"Get in the car we'll take you," he says.

"No I'd rather walk," I reply.

"Get in the car Saloon Girl that wasn't a suggestion," he informs with a harsh tone. He stops the car and I look at him, I'm sure getting in the car is a bad idea but also sure that I don't have much of a choice. If I try to run he may just decide to run me down. With great hesitation I get in the car and he begins driving again. I sit as close to the door as I can, wanting nothing to with Vince or be anywhere near him. "Why do you need to go back to the clinic?"

"Probably because you gave me syphilis or some equally nasty STD," I spit back at him with much venom laced into my tone.

"If you caught something it wasn't from me, must have been one of the others, or that needle I doubt it was sterilized," Vince replies.

I swallow hard, I don't even have a response and my fear just went up 1000 times. I don't remember much of anything from that night, yesterday and last night I had a few flashes but they're hazy and almost dream like. Yet I knew Vince probably hadn't been the only to rape me, I hadn't even thought about the needle though, actually I'd forgotten about it. I'm sure it wasn't sterilized and who knows what it was contaminated with! I fight back the tears so they won't see me cry but I am so very close to just imploding.

"How'd you know where I was?" I question finding it more than just a little coincidental that he was driving here as I was walking to the clinic.

"I got eyes everywhere it's how I control things," he responds with a confident smile. Vince actually does drive me to the clinic but they also all come in with me, I'm not sure if he's just afraid I'm going to talk or has some other motive for coming in with me.

"Thanks for coming back Clare," a doctor says coming into the room. The other two stayed in the waiting room but Vince followed me back. "Your tests came back positive for trichomoniasis, it's a fairly common sexually transmitted infection and often presents without symptoms. It's treatable with an antibiotic, here's the prescription but I have to ask if there's a chance you could be pregnant?"

I open my mouth to tell him yes but Vince speaks for before I can.

"Nope no chance," Vince answers.

"Okay have this filled at a pharmacy, take all the pills and follow dosing instructions. If you have any other questions or concerns call us or come back in," he tells me and I nod taking the prescription.

Vince and I leave and get back in his car with Terry and Matt, I'm rather surprised when Vince stops at a pharmacy and I go inside to fill the prescription. Like coming to the clinic with me I'm assuming he has some other motive and he's not doing it out the kindness of his heart. He comes in with me and I fill the prescription then we go back to his car.

"You can take me home now," I tell him when we're back in his car.

"We're all going back to your house Saloon Girl," Vince responds and I get a shiver up my spine.

He drives back to my house and parks a few houses down. We get out and they follow me to my front door, I begin to get out my keys to unlock my door but I hear noises from inside and find the door unlocked. The rest of Vince's gang, except for Zig and Tiny, are in my house.

"You can't be here, this is my house not your hideout," I bark at them.

"Your parents are gone no one is going to know we're here," Vince shrugs.

"Get out or I'm calling the cops," I assert with a venomous tone as I get my cell phone from my purse.

"Don't even try to call the cops or anyone else," Vince growls grabbing my arm and squeezing tightly. It's not the pain in my arm that frightens me however it's the look in his eye. A look of death and hate, a look that says he has no limits and doesn't have one single doubt about hurting me.

"I have no idea when my parents will be back and I'm spending the holiday with my dad," I inform Vince but he just shrugs and then my phone rings. It's Owen he must be checking in, Vince sees the name on my caller ID. "Hi Owen," I answer.

"Fitz said he dropped you off this morning, are you okay? You can sleep at our place again," Owen offers and I want to say yes.

"Get rid of him," Vince whispers in my ear.

"Thanks but I'm okay," I reply simply out of fear for what Vince might do.

"Okay well you know our numbers if you need us," Owen says.

I say goodbye and we hang up, Vince smiles and strokes my cheek I pull away from his touch. The gang has taken over my house; several of them are drunk and laughing at some mind numbingly idiotic show on TV. They've already raided the kitchen and made a mess of the living room. Vince takes my phone and unplugs the house phone; he puts them on the sofa in the middle of the guys. I'm afraid if I stay down here with them I'll be raped again, in fact I'm fairly positive I will be the way they keep glancing at me. I also haven't eaten and I have to take these pills with food, I grab what little I can from the kitchen including a couple of water bottles and run up to my room locking the door. Which is where I spend the rest day, behind the door and on my laptop looking up various things first I look up the STI I have and the antibiotic I'm taking. If I am pregnant after the other night taking the drug could damage it but not taking the antibiotic and letting the infection run it's course will almost certainly mean a miscarriage. Also it makes me more susceptible to HIV and other infections so I eat a little something and take the antibiotic. I'm about to start researching rape when there's a knock on the bedroom door, I stay quiet hoping they'll go away. They don't of course and the locked door is very little deterrent since they simply pick the lock.

"You're hiding," Vince says stepping into my room.

"It's better up here than down there with you pigs! If any of you steals anything I will report it to the cops and tell them everything," I threaten.

"You're feisty, I like that about you Saloon Girl you remind me of Bianca, she was feisty too," he grins walking forward a few steps and I start to get up from the desk.

"I'm not Bianca and I will not be what Bianca was to you!" I snarl at him and voice drips with venom.

Vince grabs me by the shirt and whirls me around tossing me to the bed. He pins me down straddling over me on the bed and his hands push onto my chest. Not too hard but enough that I'm very frightened and it becomes rather hard to breathe.

"Bianca didn't exactly come walking through door either, I can be very persuasive. I don't care at all what you want I've decided you're the new Bianca. Besides we have a common enemy, I want to hurt Drew and I so do I," Vince remarks in a calm voice before getting off of me.

"I'm angry at him I don't want you to kill him," I respond.

"I wouldn't kill him, beating the crap out of him is better. You know just about everyone is passed out downstairs and I'm bored," Vince comments and leans down to kiss me but I push him away.

"Don't," I try to say it strong and angry but all I manage is fear.

"You seem to think you get a say, I don't have any dragon on me but I have some angel dust downstairs."

"No get off me," I cry pushing at him again. It's not doing any good, the more I push at him the more he pushes back. I'm starting to panic and prepare to be raped again but there's a voice in the doorway.

"Vince," it's Zig's voice and he's not alone Tiny is with him.

"You two can have her later," Vince tells them.

"Her parents called, if she doesn't call them back they might send someone to the house," Zig informs him and Vince gets off of me.

"Fine take her down and let her call her parents," Vince says pulling me up and sort of shoving me toward them.

Zig puts his hand at my back and we start walking downstairs, "Your parents didn't call I heard you cry out," he whispers in my ear and I smile at him.

"When did you two get here?" I ask in a low voice since Vince is following us downstairs.

"Just a few minutes ago we were told to come," Tiny replies.

I get my phone from the living room and call my mom anyway, I tell her I'm staying at Dad's for Christmas and she thinks that's good. We talk for a few minutes and I even say hi to Jake before getting off. Vince is drinking a beer and sitting on the sofa watching TV again, so I sit with Zig and Tiny on the sofa.

"You should call Owen," Zig suggests.

"I don't think that will work this time, I can try going to my dad's early but I'd need to call him."

"Go to the washroom call him from there," Zig tells me.

I nod getting up slowly and taking my phone. I call Dad from the washroom and tell him Mom and Glen won't be home for Christmas. He knows this will leave me alone and says he'll come pick me up in an hour. I hang up with Dad and go back downstairs.

"My dad is coming to pick me up you all need to go," I inform Vince.

He gives me a look but I guess he believes me because he tells everyone they need to leave. I heave a heavy sigh of relief when they're out of the house. Zig and Tiny stayed behind to help me clean up and we get most of it done by the time my dad comes.

"Thanks for helping me clean up and stopping Vince," I tell them gathering my bag.

"No problem but you should know that Vince isn't going to release his hold on you," Zig warns me.

"Yeah I got that," I nod turning off the lights and we go outside. I lock the door and wave to them getting in Dad's car.

"Who are those boys?" Dad questions.

"Just friends Dad."

He doesn't say any more about it but he does spend the rest of the drive talking about my mom, complaining that was irresponsible to leave me on my own and other such things. I greet my stepmom and her two kids, Kylie and Marcus, when I arrive. Marcus is three and Kylie is five, there not bad kids and Elaine is nice. Their apartment is pretty small though and Kylie and Marcus already share a room which means I have to sleep on air mattress in the living room. Although anything is better than being a prisoner in my own house with Vince and his gang and at least the younger kids go to bed early. Dad and Elaine also go to bed pretty early, I turn on the TV and zone out on it, doing everything possible not to think of Vince or what happened. I fall asleep quite late but am woken up when Kylie and Marcus get up at seven.

We spend Christmas Eve day watching movies and playing games. Have dinner together and then we each get to open one present. They do actually have a few presents for me and Dad would have brought them over or had me to dinner after Christmas. The present we all open is a new set of pajamas and then we go to bed. I'm very tired after so little sleep but just as I'm falling asleep I hear tapping on the window. When I get up and go to the window I find Vince on the fire escape.

"Go away," I snap at him as loudly as I dare.

"Enjoy Christmas I'll see you later Saloon Girl," Vince says.

He goes down the fire escape and I sink to the floor.

**Update Thursday March 26****th**** probably starting with Christmas day and likely will include the return to school.**


	3. The Value of Isolation

**So the super busy tax season at work has me so discombobulated I didn't even realize that next week is Clew one shot week. Which means no long stories next week, I've been saying Until the Moment I Found You, Falling Faster than Anyone Should and Tear Stained Shadowland would be updated next week and they won't. I apologize to everyone who reads those that you'll have to wait an extra week for updates totally my bad I was not paying attention to the date or my own calendar how terrible is that? Thankfully tax season is almost over and my brain should be working again. Next week will be a lot of great Clew shots with many other favorites making appearances in various shots. Again so sorry for the oversight on my part apologies to all my wonderful readers and I hope you all enjoy Clew one shot week.**

_**Warning Clare's first pov is intense at times and contains trigger warnings. If you don't like the intense stuff I recommend skimming her first pov.**_

**Ch. 3 The Value of Isolation**

**(CLARE)**

"SANTA CAME!"

The ear piercing screams of my giddy step-siblings on Christmas morning abruptly wakes me from sleep. I groan covering my head with a pillow, it's barely dawn and after Vince's little visit it took me nearly four hours to fall asleep.

"Clare Santa brought presents wake up," Kylie says pulling at my arm.

I'm obviously not going to sleep so I get up and use the washroom. When I come out Dad and Elaine are awake and one of them put on coffee. Kylie and Marcus are already tearing into their presents and Dad put up my air mattress against the wall. I sit on the sofa with Dad and Elaine and make myself a cup of coffee when it's ready. I have a couple more presents to open and after we clean up all the paper and trash Elaine makes breakfast. I eat breakfast and participate in family events all morning but the fact that I only slept for a couple of hours is catching up with me.

"You look exhausted Clare," Dad comments.

"I didn't get to sleep until after three," I reply.

"Oh dear and Kylie and Marcus woke you at the crack of dawn I'm sorry Clare. We're going to be leaving for my parent's house in a few minutes. I was going to invite you but maybe you'd prefer to stay here and sleep, you can take our room," Elaine offers.

"Thanks," I nod sleepily.

"Probably best you I'm sure you would have felt pretty awkward at Elaine's parents anyway," Dad comments.

I sit on the sofa waiting for them to get ready, as soon as the door's locked I go into Dad and Elaine's room bringing the comforter I slept with last night. There's no way I'm sleeping on their sheets. I fold the comforter over like a sleeping bag and get into it falling asleep almost instantly. I wake up in a panic when a hand is clamped over my mouth and I can't breathe. My eyes shoot open and Vince takes his hand away giving me a lecherous smile.

"Get out!" I growl.

"I don't think so, I know no one else is home," he replies sitting on the bed.

"Leave or I'm calling the cops this is breaking and entering," I say trying to get up but he holds pushes me back down and gets on top of me.

"You know you fight a lot more than Bianca, I thought you might need something to help you calm down," he says taking a vial from his pocket, "got this from a buddy never needed it before but I thought you might fight now open up."

I sit up and try to push him off me, he pushes me back down squeezing my mouth so I'll open it. I do open my mouth but I spit on him, Vince gives me a malevolent glare and his hand closes my nose. I'm forced to breathe through my mouth and Vince manages to get the vial open with one hand squeezing a couple drops into my mouth. It tastes a little salty and I close my mouth trying not to swallow. I try and spit again but Vince is still holding my nose and I gag instead, when I open this time he puts some more drops in my mouth and releases my nose. Vince gets off of me and I turn on my side gasping for air. Then I get up to run, I make it into the washroom and try to induce vomiting but I could never do that finger down the throat thing and end up just gagging more. I stand and rinse my mouth trying to spit out as much as I can. I don't feel anything yet and I begin to think he didn't actually give me anything, maybe it was just saltwater. I sit down thinking I'll just wait for Vince to leave but he picks the washroom lock and leans in the doorway.

"What did you give me?"

"Well I thought giving you more Dragon might get you addicted, although having you addicted may have it's advantages. Still I wanted you to be pliable, since you are such a fighter, not that some fight isn't good but it kind of takes away the mood quite honestly," Vince comments in a carnal tone spiked with malice.

I realize his visit today is to do more than just scare me he intends to rape me again. Whatever he gave me is meant to make me unable to fight, perhaps even unconscious. My heart starts beating rapidly, I stand shaking my head and my eyes fill with tears.

"No, no," it's all I can say as I stand and try to run out but he easily catches me.

"You'll love it," he whispers in my ear.

"No let go of me," I shriek breathlessly trying to fight him. I start to get dizzy and begin to lose control over my extremities, I start to go limp and he picks me up. "No get off me," I beg weakly just before losing consciousness.

I'm not sure how long I was out and when I wake up things seem dark and fuzzy; my eyes begin to close again instantly. I waver in and out of consciousness and when I can finally keep my eyes open I'm very drowsy and dizzy. Vince is done; at least he's getting me dressed again.

"Don't worry I used a condom," he says but his voice sounds odd.

"Why bother I already caught your social disease," I respond but my voice is strained and sounds weird, it's even hard to talk and I realize I'm not breathing very well.

"Well I'm sure as hell not going to have a kid, you get pregnant and the DNA can be traced back to me, I'm not an idiot. Get some rest, you never know when I'll be back," Vince tells me and he actually covers me with the blanket before climbing out the window again.

I hear the window close and I close my eyes again, I still feel heavy and drowsy. I don't want to think about what happened, I don't want to think about Vince coming back. I fall asleep but it's a strange sleep, sort of a half sleep that is disturbed by dreams and phantasms. One second I feel Vince's touch and the next I just feel drowsy and somehow almost euphoric which I'm certain is the effect of whatever drug Vince gave me. When I feel someone's hand on my shoulder, shaking me gently I don't think it's real at first but realizing it is I open my eyes to see my dad's face.

"Have you been asleep the whole time? We left over six hours ago," Dad says.

"Sorry, I really didn't sleep last night," I reply. It's all I can think to say, when I think about telling Dad what really happened it sounds outrageous even in my head. How do I explain all of that? I doubt he'd even believe me, they didn't exactly believe Darcy at first either and she very nearly killed herself. She also felt like she had no one to talk to, I at least have Zig and Tiny, they can't really do much but I have them. Plus Fitz and Owen I suppose even if they don't know they took me in and they've shown concern.

"That's okay I'm glad you caught up with sleep. We brought you some dinner if you're hungry," Dad tells me.

"I'm not that hungry but I suppose I should eat, do you mind if I shower first?"

"You can use our shower and I'll heat up dinner," Dad tells me.

"Thanks Dad," I smile.

I get up and retrieve my bag from the living room; Marcus and Kylie begin telling me all about their visit to their grandparents and the presents they got. Dad tells them to wait until I'm out of the shower to talk to me. Elaine gives me a towel and I go into the washroom, turning on the shower I start to undress and see some blood in my underwear. I had my period two weeks ago so I know it isn't that. It has to be from the rape and I have the urge to burn these pajamas, at the very least I never want to wear them again. The washroom fills with steam and I become aware that I spaced out for a while. I adjust the water and get in the shower, sinking to the floor I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them. I begin shaking and crying, it just comes on and I can't stop it.

**(FITZ)**

"I want some more pie, you want more pie?" Owen questions getting off the sofa. We're watching TV and we left his parent's house a little over an hour ago having spent Christmas Day there.

"Yeah thanks, it was nice of your mom to make an entire extra pie for us to bring home," I comment.

"Hey she knows how much we eat," Owen replies.

He brings over the entire pie with two forks and I get up and get us two glasses of milk. We've eaten almost half the pie when there's a knock at the door. Owen gets up and looks through the peephole before opening the door.

"What up bitches?" Bianca says sauntering into the apartment.

"Hey B what are you doing here?"

"Came in to spend Christmas with my auntie, turns out we can no longer stand to be in the same room together for more than a few hours," she tells us.

"I take it by the bag in your hand you want to crash here?" Owen states.

"Yeah if that's cool because I might kill my auntie if I sleep there but I'm heading back to school tomorrow," Bianca answers.

"No problem you're welcome to crash here," I reply.

"Thanks, I guess you guys went to Dawn and Josh's house?" Bianca questions. Dawn and Josh would be Owen's parent's names.

"Yeah, it was cool Mom made some great food," Owen says as they both sit down on the sofa.

"Yum pie I'm starved my auntie just microwaved frozen dinners," Bianca remarks.

"I'll grab you a fork and some milk," I offer getting up. I get the fork and start pouring the milk when my phone rings. I take the fork and milk to Bianca and grab my phone from the table. "Clare? Are you okay?"

Bianca's eyebrow raises with intrigue when I say the name Clare. Owen on the other hand just gives me a worried look but he saw Clare break down when she was here the other day.

"I'm okay but I was hoping I could sleep there again tonight? My mom called and said they should be home by tomorrow. My dad said I could sleep here again but I have to sleep on an air mattress and my younger step-siblings wake up extremely early. If it's not okay th…"

"It's fine," I cut her off, "I'll come get you where's your dad's house?"

She gives me the address of her dad's apartment building and I hang up.

"She okay?" Owen inquires.

"She said she was but she didn't sound like it. Her voice was shaking slightly and she was rambling a little. She's going to sleep here tonight; she can take my bed again. She's at her dad's I'll go pick her up."

"Good while you're gone Owen can tell me when exactly you two became chummy with Clare Edwards," Bianca comments.

I grab my keys and leave, Clare said just to text when I got there so I park right at the door to the building and text her that I'm here. She comes down after a minute with her bag in hand and gets in the car.

"Thanks, sorry to be so much trouble I just didn't know who else to call," she apologizes very meekly and without looking at me.

"It's not trouble honestly, we'll have a full house tonight Bianca's staying there too," I tell her.

"You can drop me at home, I don't want to…"

"Clare it's fine they don't care, you can sleep in my bed again I'll take the sofa or the floor. Bianca's our oldest friend she wanted to get away from her aunt and I'm not going to have you sleep alone at your house."

"Thanks Fitz," she smiles looking at me a little.

"How was your Christmas?" I question after we've been driving a couple minutes.

"Fine, I got a couple good presents from my dad and stepmom," she says but her voice is dry and sort of distant. I take it she doesn't want to talk so we're silent back to my place. When I park I grab Clare's bag and we go up to my apartment.

"Hey Clare," Owen smiles when we go in.

"Welcome to the sleepover babe, Owen filled me all in on you and Drew," Bianca informs her as soon as we're in the door.

"Oh uh it…" Clare stumbles over her words when faced with Drew's ex-fiancé.

"Don't worry about it Hun we were over months ago, kind of surprised you stooped to his level not so surprised he was jerk though. Come on join the party we got pie," Bianca says. I put Clare's bag in my room and Bianca pulls her onto the sofa, I grab Clare a fork and we finish off the pie watching TV.

"Alright time to sleep," Bianca decides for all of us a little after two, "I have to drive back to Waterloo at a fairly decent hour tomorrow. Since Clare's taking your room I'm bunking with Owen."

"I can sleep on the sofa," Clare offers.

"No you take Fitz's bed I've known Owen forever we can share a bed, we've done it before," Bianca informs her.

Clare uses the washroom first to get ready for bed and then says goodnight before going into my room. I'm the last one to use the washroom; I brush my teeth and just strip down to my boxers and set up the sofa to sleep. The TV is still on and I fall asleep to some really old movie waking up to a blood curdling scream. I jolt awake and realize the scream is coming from my room. I start running to my room just as Owen and Bianca come rushing out of his room. When I open the door to my room I turn on the light and we see Clare sitting up in my bed panting and shaking slightly, her face is wet with tears.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you all up, I'm okay it was just a nightmare. I'm sorry, I'm a bad houseguest I should've just…"

"Clare shut up it was a bad dream, we all have them don't worry about it," Owen tells her.

"I'm okay, I'm sorry to wake you all," she apologizes again.

"It's fine can you get back to sleep?" I ask her.

"Yeah I think so," she nods.

"Okay come get me if you need anything," I say and she smiles. We leave the room and I start to walk back to the sofa but Bianca grabs my arm and pulls me into Owen's room with them.

"She was attacked," Bianca states, "raped I'm guessing."

"How the hell do you know that?" I question.

"Owen told me everything that happened when he got her the other night. How she broke down on the floor, she may have been blubbering over Drew and I have no doubt that he broke her heart but he didn't attack her. You know I've been there I know what the aftermath of rape looks like," Bianca tells us.

"What do we do?" I question.

"Be there for her; it's all you can do at this point," Bianca replies.

"Shouldn't we take her to the hospital or something?" I ask.

"At this point it's probably too late and I doubt she'd want to anyway. If she wanted to talk she would have but she probably will at some point. Don't force her because she'll just close off even more," Bianca advises.

"So we just ignore the fact that she was raped?"

"No you pretend like you don't know and just let her know you're here for here if she needs you. What she needs right now are friends because I guarantee she feels alone and scared," Bianca responds.

I nod and leave Owen's room, I go back to my room pausing at the door and almost knock but I don't hear anything on the other side and I don't want to bother her if she's asleep. I go back to the sofa but now I can't sleep, all I can do is remember Bianca after she'd been raped and think about the fact that someone did that to Clare.

**(CLARE)**

"You sure you want to go home?" Fitz asks as I zip up my bag.

"I'm sure my parents flight just landed they'll be home soon, you should sleep in your own bed tonight," I tell him.

"I can drop you off on my way out of town," Bianca offers.

"Thanks Bianca, thanks for letting me stay guys," I say to Owen and Fitz.

"No problem Clare you can stay anytime, you have both our numbers in case you need us right?" Owen asks.

"Yeah thanks, see you guys," I wave grabbing my bag.

Bianca and I say goodbye to Owen and Fitz and go down to her car. We get in and Bianca starts driving, I tell her how to get to my house.

"You know as much as I think Drew is a step down for you I think you would have been really good for him. He was good for me, the best actually but I was pretty messed up," Bianca remarks.

"I thought I was falling for him, he wasn't a rebound," I tell her getting angry just thinking about Drew.

"Well much as I still love that boy he is an idiot. Fitz and Owen they're good guys, if you need them call them they'll be there," she tells me.

"I will," I nod as we pull up to my house.

"Give me your phone," she says and I unlock it handing it to her. "Here's my number, if you need to talk about anything give me a call."

"Thanks Bianca and thanks for the ride," I smile.

She grins and I grab my bag getting out of the car, I unlock the front door and cautiously look into the house. I half expect Vince and everyone to be here but the house is empty. I release a relieved breath and go up to my room. I start unpacking my bag and begin a load of laundry when I hear the front door open and Mom and Glen come in.

"I love white Christmases but I'm so sick of snow," Mom remarks and they come in.

"Yeah I've seen enough of it to last a long time," Glen agrees.

"Hi Sweetie how was Christmas with your dad?" Mom questions when they see me.

"It was fine," I answer.

"Good, Glen Honey can you bring in the rest of the bags I'm going to start unpacking," Mom commands and Glen nods and Mom takes the bag he's holding going upstairs.

I almost go upstairs too but I see Zig and Tiny in the backyard, they're alone but they wave for me to come out. I hurry out and pull them around to the side of the house where we can't be seen.

"Please tell me Vince isn't here," I request.

"No but he likes you, he sent us here to check if you were at the house. We'll tell him your parents are back and hopefully it will keep him away," Zig replies.

"What do you mean hopefully? He has to stay away my parents are home. He can't just break in they'll hear, it would be breaking his parole."

"He's been angry since he lost Bianca, he hates her and Drew, he's decided you'll be the new Bianca whether you like it or not. The fact that your parents are home should keep him away for a while but I don't think it will change his mind," Tiny informs me.

"Well you can tell him I have no interest in being the new Bianca," I respond and go inside.

I consider calling Bianca but she's still on the road to Waterloo. I could call Owen and Fitz but I just left them, and if I go over there too much they'll want to know what happened. I go to my room and close the door, I wedge the window shut so it can't be opened and turn on music. I've never wanted to disappear or crawl into a hole more in my life.

For the next four days my room becomes my solace, I wouldn't really call it a safe place because even here I don't feel entirely safe. It becomes my hole, my place to hide and shut the world out, I keep the curtains drawn and only leave my room to get food, eat or use the washroom. Fitz and Owen each call once to see how I am and invite me to hang out but I make excuses. I don't see or hear from Vince thankfully, I'm not sure I'd have any sanity left if Vince had come by again. Mom and Glen are both at work every day and hardly notice, they even work the weekend since they missed work because of their unintentionally extended vacation. It's not until New Year's Eve Monday that Mom says anything.

"You need to get out Clare you've been in this room for days. School is back on Wednesday everyone can't still be gone. Why don't you call Alli or Adam and go do something," Mom asserts putting on her earrings. She and Glen are going to a New Year's Eve party one of his clients is having.

I can't bear the thought of calling Adam, only because calling Adam would mean seeing Drew and I don't want to do that, I can't do that. I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to look at Drew again.

"I'll call Alli and Jenna I'm sure they have plans to go to a party," I reply although I have no intention of doing this.

Mom smiles and walks out of my room, I lock my door and hear them leaving a few minutes later. Once they're gone I go downstairs and look through the cupboards to find something for dinner. I don't hear the back door open but I do hear the footsteps in the house and I freeze. I know it's Vince before I see him, I look at the kitchen phone and reach for it intending to call 911 but Vince gets it first.

"You can't come out dressed like that," he comments looking at my sweats.

"Go to hell," I spit at him.

"What kind of attitude is that? I came to take you to celebrate the New Year," he smiles.

"I'm not celebrating anything with you," I reply and begin to run upstairs but Vince catches me slamming me into the wall.

I whimper and hear my phone ringing, "It could be my mom."

Vince lets go of me and I run into my room, I knew it wasn't my mom it's Bianca. I don't know what Vince will do if he sees it's her or what she'll do if she hears him so I close the door and press accept but can't seem to speak.

"Clare are you there?"

"Yeah sorry I was downstairs," I reply taking a deep breath.

"I'm back for the night, me and the boys are going to a New Year's party at our friend Pauly's house if you want to join us," she says.

"Yeah sounds great, can you pick me up?"

"We're on our way be there in ten," Bianca replies. I hang up and see Vince in the doorway.

"Owen's on his way I'm going to a party you need to go," I inform him.

"I'll be back later then, Happy New Year Clare."

Then he leaves, walking downstairs calmly like he's a friend leaving after a nice visit. I swallow the lump in my throat along with my tears. Going to my closet to find something to wear to the party and hoping that Vince gets too drunk or too high to come back tonight. I throw on jeans and blouse and get my thick coat, I don't bother with makeup or jewelry because I don't want to look attractive. Right now I don't think I ever want another guy to touch me. I go downstairs to wait for Bianca and start turning off the lights and locking up the house when Vince comes in through the back door again.

"My friends are coming," I remind him.

"I know and if you tell them anything about me I won't take away the pain next time. I'll make it hurt, I'll make it last and I'll make sure you never say anything again."

**Update April 30****th**** probably starting with school being back in session.**


	4. Don't Hold Me, Don't Control Me

**If you didn't go to the site to see today's clue then you didn't see my latest poll. My mind birthed two semi-similar plot bunnies but I want to gauge interest. So go to my page and just below the clue is the poll so cast your vote. Depending on which one is chosen there will be follow up polls.**

**Also RED2012, XoXo-Smiley-Riley-XoXo &amp; Blue. check your PM in boxes before May 11****th****.**

**Also check my profile page between Sunday and yesterday I had quite a bit of time to plot. Several one shots, one short story and 2 long stories have been added to the upcoming stories list on my profile page.**

**Ch. 4 Don't Hold Me, Don't Control Me**

**(ZIG)**

"I might go to Tristan's after school," Maya tells her mom as we put on our thick coats. Today is our first day back after winter break and we got a fresh snowfall last night.

"Just be home by curfew and if you're not going to be home by dinner then call or text," Margaret says.

"I hear the bus we better go," I comment. Maya and I grab our lunches and run out the door to catch the bus. We find a seat and I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.

**V: Keep an eye on Saloon Girl I'll be by to visit her later.**

"Who's V?" Maya asks but doesn't see the whole text thankfully.

"A friend of Tiny's," I tell her which is enough of a half-truth that she believes me.

I haven't told her about Vince, haven't told her about being in the gang still either, I'm afraid to. I did tell her that I ran into Clare who was upset because Drew slept with her and then dumped her. After what Drew did to her sister that wasn't hard for Maya to believe but she did promise not to say anything to anyone other than Tris, he is her best friend and he's also reasonably good at keeping his mouth shut now that Tori is gone. I didn't tell Maya anything about Vince and Clare but I did tell her Clare and I sort of became friends so Maya won't think it's weird when I stay as close to Clare as I can today. Not to keep an eye on her for Vince but for myself. Given everything that happened I don't know how Clare's going to be today, frankly I'll be surprised if she even shows up at school. If she doesn't I'll call Owen and have him check in on her. Because Vince will eventually send someone to watch her house or he'll go himself.

When we get off the bus I look around for Clare but don't see her. I do see Drew talking with Dallas and Luke, I see Adam talking to Dave and glaring at Becky. Everyone knows how they broke up over the summer. Maya and I go into the school walking toward our lockers when I see Clare at her locker. She's leaning against it and sort of staring off into space but looks like she's going to burst into tears.

"I'll catch up with you in a minute," I say to Maya.

"Tell Clare I hope she's okay," Maya nods and walks off.

"Are you going to make it through today?" I question walking over to her.

"I don't know how I made it through the last ten days," Clare replies.

"I'm supposed to watch you for Vince," I tell her and she shuts her eyes trying to stop the tears.

"I got the same message, he'll be by later," Tiny announces coming over and Clare opens her eyes again.

"He can't come to the school can he? I stayed with Owen and Fitz all day yesterday so he couldn't get to me. Bianca was there too, I was so tempted to tell them and I just couldn't," Clare tells us her voice is trembling so much she can barely get the words out.

"We can take you home," Tiny offers.

"No one's there and I'm sure he's watching, I saw Reed there this morning," she says.

"We'll walk you to class," I insist and she nods but doesn't move so I take her arm and start pulling her with me.

"My first class is new media and animation with Adam and Drew. I can't even look at Drew," she tells us.

"Just look at Adam then, ignore Drew. Is Fitz working today?" I ask her.

"Yeah he starts at nine," Clare tells us.

"We'll go to The Dot at lunch you'll be safe there, Vince won't go into The Dot with so many people around. We'll walk over in a group, Vince is mean but he's not stupid," I insist.

"Why won't he just leave me alone?"

"We told you he's decided that you'll be the new Bianca, he doesn't care what you want. He's not just going to give you up. You ever seen a cat play with a dying bird?"

"I hate cats," Clare replies.

"We'll report back to Vince like we're watching you, we'll tell him you're not going home after school, try and keep him from you as much as we can," Tiny assures her and Clare nods.

We watch her go into class and sit down before we walk to the gym to change for our homeroom gym class. Tris is in the class too, he's already changing into his gym clothes but looks at us after he has his shirt on.

"Maya told me what Drew did to Clare he's such a jerk, I'll tell my brother at lunch," Tris comments.

"I think your brother already knows, she was really upset and she didn't want me to call Adam so I called your brother it was all I could think of. We're going to take her to lunch today so she doesn't have to eat with Adam and have it be awkward. I don't think Adam knows about Drew and Clare so remember not to say anything to anyone else," I remind him.

"I won't say anything but I will come to lunch with you guys," Tris replies.

We finish changing and go out to the yard, Maya says she's coming to lunch too and so does Grace. She's new this year, transferred from North Park after her family moved. Grace doesn't know any of the history with Vince and Drew or Bianca. She knows Drew and Clare are the student council president and vice president, she's seen them around school and running assemblies but I think that's the extent of her knowledge. Although she's probably aware that Adam is Clare's best friend and Drew's brother, I know she heard the rumors about Eli's cheating. After class while we're all walking to English I send a text to Clare to meet us at the memorial garden after next period and not to go outside alone.

**(CLARE)**

Drew and Adam walk into class and I keep looking at my book doing my best to ignore them, well Drew anyway. I knew we all had this class together, I knew Drew was in two of my classes and Adam in three and I had a spare last period along with Drew. I knew all this because previous to sleeping with Drew and going on winter break I was in the office when classes were being chosen, and I happened to sneak a peek at my classes for this semester and theirs. Two weeks ago I was thrilled to have so many classes with them now I wish I had no classes with either of them.

"I'm going to sit in the back," Drew tells his brother and Adam takes the seat next to me.

"Okay what did I miss?" Adam asks and I just shake my head. "Before the break you and Drew couldn't get enough of each other but he didn't talk about you at all over break. Eli said you two broke up and aside from one text telling me you were busy I didn't hear from you at all over break. Did Drew do something? Did Eli?"

"I don't want to talk about it Adam," I whisper and still won't look at him.

I can feel him watching me but he doesn't say anything else. Other students come in, the teacher follows and we watch a movie but I can't concentrate. I keep thinking about Vince about him controlling me, raping me and plying me with drugs. Most of all I think how none of it would have ever happened if Drew hadn't decided I was a rebound and I hadn't run out upset. If I'd had any rationality left I would realize laying all the blame on Drew was stupid but I'm fairly certain all my rationality was ripped away that very night. Right now the anger in me and the fear all turn to hate and it's all directed at Drew.

I spend class looking at the movie but I don't see anything that's going on I'm in my head. Visions of Vince and his gang continue to repeat like a horrifying loop. My leg bounces nervously, my thumb taps against my desk and I start to feel ill. I don't even notice when the movie is over or hear the bell ring until Adam touches my arm and I jump.

"Class is over it's time for second period," Adam tells me holding his hands up and giving me a worried look.

"Sorry I was spacing out," I reply getting my stuff.

"I have writer's craft next I'll walk you to class," Adam says.

"I have that class too," I reply. Adam puts his hand on my shoulder and we walk to our next class. "You want to have lunch? I promise Drew won't be there," Adam says as we choose desks next to each other.

"I'm eating with Zig and Tiny at The Dot," I inform him.

"When did you become friends with Zig? I don't even know who Tiny is," Adam comments.

"Over break, Tiny is one of the rubber room kids he hangs with Zig a lot," I enlighten him.

"The black kid right?" Adam asks and I nod.

"You can eat with us just don't mention your brother," I tell Adam. He is still my best friend and none of this is his fault not even the fact that drew is his brother.

"You going to tell me what happened with you two?" Adam questions and I shake my head.

Miss Dawes comes in and starts class so Adam doesn't ask any more questions. After class Adam and I walk to our lockers to get our coats and then the memorial garden. Zig walks up a moment later along with Tiny, Maya, Tris and a girl I've seen around school but I don't know her name.

"Hey Clare, Adam do you guys know Grace?" Zig says pointing to the girl.

"Only around school but I hear you're good with computers," Adam replies smiling at Grace.

"Let's go eat," Tiny comments and we walk out as a group.

Maya and Tris are talking about class, Adam and Grace are talking about comics but Zig, Tiny and I are silent. We begin walking to The Dot and I feel like we're being watched when I look around however I don't see anyone. When we enter the café Fitz smiles at me, he generally smiles at me when I walk into the café but this time the smile is different, it's sweet and comforting and not a general smile. I smile back, I'm happy to see him and I no longer feel like I'm being watched. We all take our coats off and sit down; I'm actually able to enjoy lunch, momentarily taking Vince and everything from my mind. We stay at the café until we absolutely have to walk back for third period. Adam and I have art this period along with Drew, I can hardly draw stick figures but Miss Dawes is a good teacher.

"Hey did you guys hear Vince was lurking around the school?" Jenna asks when we come into class and Drew hears her, walking in just after me and Adam.

"What the hell do you mean Vince is here isn't he supposed to be in jail?" Drew growls.

"We didn't see him but I heard a couple girls in my fashion class talking about it," Jenna tells us.

"How can he be out of jail already? I'm calling Mom," Adam says. I've started shaking and I can't seem to stop, Adam gets out his phone and looks at me. "Clare are you okay?"

"I don't feel well," I tell them and then things go black. I wake up on the floor with Adam, Jenna, Connor, Luke, Becky and even Drew standing over me with worried expressions. "What happened?"

"You passed out, you were only out for a couple of seconds someone go get the nurse," Adam replies but he looks a little pale himself.

"No I'm okay it's probably just the new chemo meds, they changed my oral medication yesterday and the doctor warned me that passing out was a rare side effect. I'll call him tomorrow and get it changed," I assert. I'm lying through my teeth right now, I've been on the same oral chemo meds since leaving the hospital and as far as I know losing consciousness isn't a side effect of any chemo medication, but none of them have had cancer so they wouldn't know. I'm not about to tell them Vince was here looking for me.

"The teacher's coming get her up," Adam says. Luke and Drew take my arms to pull me up but I rip my arm out of Drew's touch.

"Don't touch me," I hiss at him in a whisper so that no one else hears me and Drew let's go of me.

Jenna takes my hand; I sit at a table with her, Connor and Adam. Drew, Becky and Luke sit at another. Other people are in class and looking at me, whispering about why I passed out but it all stops when Miss Dawes comes into class. We see a fifteen minute slideshow on famous abstract paintings and then we're allowed to do our own about which is supposed to reflect what we did on winter break. Mine is all dark, black and grey with my fingers dragged through the paint. As soon as class is over I grab my bag and run out of class but Drew follows me.

"Clare," he calls but I ignore him. I forget that he used to be a star quarterback and he apparently still has the speed as he quickly catches up to me near the front doors. He grabs my arm and I pull it away, his touch physically sickens me, it almost burns and all the rage inside me explodes. I slap Drew across the face and run out the doors not even bothering to put my coat on but he still follows me with no coat or even his backpack. The bitter cold is not bothering me, neither is the snow falling but Drew's presence is. "Clare stop," he calls and I stop turning around to face him.

"GET AWAY FROM ME DREW! DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!" I scream.

"Clare we have to talk," he tries and is practically pleading but it does nothing to soften me.

"No we don't you have to stay away from me. I have nothing to say to you I don't ever want to see you again," I hiss at him. All my anger and hate toward Vince and his gang is being fired at Drew and I'm in no state of mind to realize it's unfair. Even worse Vince has threatened Drew more than once and so in a way I feel like I'm protecting him and it just makes me all the angrier.

"We have to talk we're both on student council, what happened with u…"

"NOTHING HAPPENED WITH US JUST LEAVE ME ALONE," I shriek pushing at him to make him go away. He doesn't budge though so I spin around to run again, however I spin so quickly I might have fallen if Owen weren't there to stop it. He catches my arms and I let out a breath against his chest, I want to cling to him and cry but I refrain.

"Hey Owen what are you doing here?" Drew asks and I hear the embarrassment in his voice for being caught with me screaming at him.

"Came to see Clare," Owen replies.

"You came to see Clare? You two aren't…"

"Just friends," Owen answers before Drew even finishes the question. "Fitz and I were going to order a couple of pizzas and watch a movie if you want to join us after school," Owen tells me.

"Can we go now? I'm on my spare," I reply.

"Yeah sure, later Drew," Owen waves putting his arm around me and taking me to his car. "Everything okay?" Owen inquires when we're in his car and I shake my head. "I take it seeing Drew again didn't go so well?"

"I can't even look at him, I hate him. I don't know what I ever saw in him, why I ever fell for him, slept with him. I'm not that girl I don't just fall into bed with anyone, I don't have sex with random people I've kissed a lot of boys spontaneously but that was it. I thought he really liked me I thought I loved him, I thought he loved me I'm so stupid. I never should have had sex with him in the prop room; I never should have let him leave when Eli showed up. If he's stayed to hear me talk to Eli then he never would have decided he was a rebound and I never would have run out and…"

"And what?" Owen prods when I don't finish.

"Nothing," I shake my head and decide to change the subject, "I'll have to resign as VP. I can't stand to look at Drew let alone work with him."

"You just need time, maybe you should talk to Drew," Owen suggests.

"I can't," I shake my head and Owen doesn't press.

We get to his place and he gives me the TV remote, I find something to watch and get out my homework. Owen does the same and we sit there silently watching TV while doing homework until Fitz comes home.

"Hey Clare, glad you could come over tonight. You guys order pizza yet?" Fitz asks as he locks up.

"No I'll do that now," Owen says getting up.

"How was school?" Fitz questions sitting next to me.

"Terrible I can't even look at Drew; I could barely talk to Adam."

Fitz just puts his arm around me in a sympathetic hug while Owen places an online order for pizza. Owen rents a movie through their satellite service and we watch while waiting for pizza to arrive. After two movies and a lot of pizza, pop and ice cream for dessert I decide I should get home. Mom and Glen should be home by now, Mom has been far more lenient since Jake left so I don't have to check in constantly and as long as I'm home by curfew she doesn't seem to mind where I am and what I do.

"I'll take you home," Fitz says.

"Thanks Fitz thanks for having me over Owen," I smile.

"No problem, Bianca's coming back into town this weekend she's staying here you should too. I'm sure Fitzy won't mind giving his bed up for the weekend," Owen tells me.

"Not for you," Fitz says with a grin and the way he says it makes me smile.

"I'm sure my mom would be happy to have the house to themselves this weekend," I reply and they both smile.

I hug Owen goodbye and follow Fitz down to his car, we're fairly silent on the way to my house. My parents aren't home yet but I see one of Vince's henchmen lurking, sent to keep an eye on me no doubt. I also see Adam sitting in the car he shares with Drew sitting in front of my house.

"Thanks for the ride Fitz, I'll see you this weekend I guess," I comment and kiss his cheek.

"No problem, call us if you want to hang out before then or just need a place to get away to," Fitz offers and I smile. I wave to him and get out of the car nearly running to my front door.

"Adam what are you doing here?" I inquire as I begin to unlock my front door.

"You've made a lot of new friends over winter break. Fitz, Owen, Tiny, Zig," Adam comments following me inside and I quickly lock the front door again.

"What's your point Adam?" I question with some annoyance. I don't mean to but he's Drew's brother and I guess he's getting some residual anger. Part of it is that I'm also afraid to tell him what went on between me and Drew; I don't know how much he knows. I'm certain Eli told him he caught me and Drew together, I'm also certain Drew would not have admitted to having sex with me and then dumping right after.

"Just curious when and how you became friends with them," Adam replies.

"I just did alright what are you doing here?"

"Did I do something? Are you mad at me for something? I didn't take Eli's side if that's what you're thinking or even Drew's," Adam assures me. He sounds sorry and hurt and I close my eyes forcing myself to let a breath out, I realize I'm hurting Adam and I don't mean to be.

"I'm sorry I'm not mad at you Adam you didn't do anything and you don't deserve to be put in the middle of all this," I apologize.

"The middle of all what?" Adam questions.

"Talk to your brother," I sigh turning away from Adam and see Vince in the backyard. "Adam you need to go," I assert in a slightly panicked voice as I grab his sleeve and pull him toward the door.

"Clare what is going on?" Adam questions looking outside but Vince has hidden.

"My parents will be home soon and they don't like boys over," I reply quickly and Adam stops walking.

"I've been over plenty of times later than this now wh…"

"Adam please just leave," I shriek with a shrill panicked voice.

"Clare…" he begins and I take a deep breath so I'll sound calm I need him to leave before Vince decides to come in. He's already shot Adam once I'm not going to take the chance that he'll hurt him again.

"Please Adam I'm not feeling well and I need to lie down," I lie.

"Are you sure want to be alone?"

"I'm just going to lie down I'll see you tomorrow," I assert and hug him tightly while I hold my finger to Vince begging him to wait a moment until Adam leaves.

"Okay just get some rest," Adam says slowly.

I release him from the hug and unlock the front door; I force a smile on my lips to assure him everything is okay. He smiles back and I watch him until he's in the car and driving away unharmed.

"Don't hurt him," I beg as I lock the door again knowing Vince is behind me before he brushes my hair back and kisses my neck.

"I never said anything about hurting Adam did I? My offer still stands to hurt Drew though," he responds.

"Leave them both alone," I seethe with anger spinning around to slap him but he catches my wrist and shoves me to the wall. "My parents will be home soon get out," I spit at him with venom in my tone.

"Your parents already came home and left two hours ago; Adam's been waiting outside your house for an hour. Your parents went to dinner with some friends and will be home by ten, there's a note on the kitchen counter," Vince informs me.

"You're watching my house?"

"I always keep an eye on assets," he responds.

"I am not an asset, I am not Bianca," I growl kneeing him in the jewels and Vince doubles over. I start to run out the door but Vince leaps up just as I get to the exterior door. He grabs me and pushes me back inside, he's still coughing a little his face wrenched in pain but he manages to force me to the floor pinning my hands with his knees.

"No Bianca had less fight," Vince replies pulling a vial from his pocket the same one from Christmas and he puts a couple drops in my mouth. Same salty taste and I soon get dizzy, trying to stand but everything is going black and I feel Vince picking me up.

"Don't," I beg.

"You know you like it, this would all just be easier if you realized what you are," Vince replies.

I try to answer but I don't seem to be getting words out. I feel myself being put on my bed, vaguely hear the door being locked and then I'm out. Losing consciousness as the drug takes me into a surpassing sleep, when I wake up some time later I feel woozy and the house is dark. I'm naked in bed and I'm not alone, it's Vince it has to be and I start crying.

"Why don't you leave me alone?"

"Because I like you Saloon Girl," he replies.

"I'm not Bianca," I argue trying to get up but I'm still weak and I falter. I do see the clock though and it's now after two in the morning.

"No you're not," Vince says pulling me back to the bed and I'm too weak to try and fight, "you are much more fun."

"What do you keep drugging me with?"

"Things to make you nicer Saloon Girl," he responds.

"My head feels heavy, what did you give me?" I question once more and again try to get up I even make it out of the bed. I need to get to Mom's room they'll call 911 Vince will be arrested. I take a few steps but I'm wobbly it's like I'm drunk. I need to make it to the hallway, I need to scream but I can't do either, I begin to fall and Vince catches me.

"The drug won't wear off until morning, stay in bed if you want to make it to school tomorrow. Of course if you're going to be awake then we should fuck again," Vince comments and I shake my head.

"You're going to be here all night aren't you?"

"Like I said I keep an eye on what's mine," Vince replies.

"Stay away from Adam and Drew, please I hate Drew but I don't want him hurt it would kill Adam."

"That's really up to you Saloon Girl," Vince responds and puts his arm around me but it's not caring or sweet or protective it's possessive.

I'm already half asleep and don't even try to shrug off his arm or fight I just give up and fall asleep again. When I wake up to my alarm the next morning I'm groggy but functional and Vince is gone. I get my robe and take a long shower before getting ready for school. When I leave my house and lock up I see Jim in a car outside my house, Vince sent him to watch me no doubt and I start walking to school but he follows me.

"Get in Vince says I'm taking you to school," he tells me.

"You can go to hell," I spit back.

I keep walking and he follows me all the way to school but stops when he sees Officer Turner on the steps talking to Simpson. Dave has his own car so Turner must be dropping something off to Dave or be here because people saw Vince yesterday. I run over to them as fast as I can even getting a little out of breathe.

"You alright Clare?" Officer Turner inquires.

"No I…" I start to tell him about Vince, everything about Vince until I see him. Vince is just behind the fence and watching me intently. Even if I go with Turner and he protects me he can't protect everyone and my fear gets the better of me so that nothing about Vince comes from my mouth. "I was followed to school, a black car sort of an older model I think, they took off when they saw you at the school," I tell him.

"Did you see the driver?" Turner questions.

"A white male in a hoodie but that's all I saw," I reply.

"I'll drive around a bit, anything else you can tell me?"

"It was a Mustang I think, the driver had a little beard stubble on his chin," I say. The longer I talk to Turner the angrier Vince gets. I could just point to him, although he'd undoubtedly hide, I could say his name, tell Turner I've been repeatedly raped by him. I can't though every time I try nothing happens, I'm scared, I'm conditioned and there's nothing I can do about it. "I'd like to go inside now," I say and Turner nods.

Simpson walks with me inside and I hear Turner on his radio calling in the car that followed me. The school is several degrees warmer than outside and I take off my thick winter coat. Simpson asks if I'm okay and I nod walking off to my locker, I stuff in my heavy jacket and get out my book for my first class. I'm thinking about Vince and last night and now I feel sick, I run to the washroom and vomit. After leaving the stall and going out to rinse my mouth I'm surprised and disgusted to find Drew waiting for me.

"This is the girl's washroom," I snap at him rinsing my mouth.

"Dallas is watching the door, did I get you pregnant? Is that why you hate me?" Drew questions.

"No we used a condom," I respond.

"They're not a hundred percent," Drew comments as I walk past him and open the door. "Clare talk to me, for Adam's sake," Drew begs.

"I can't, just leave me alone," I reply turning to walk away.

"Why not?" Drew asks and I spin on my heel to glare at him and Dallas.

"Because this is your fault," I spit at Drew.

"Dude you told her," Dallas responds for some reason and hits Drew's arm.

Since they're both distracted I take the opportunity to take off running. I have no idea where I'm going Drew and I have homeroom together and if I run out of the school Vince or one of his cronies is sure to be there. I run into the storage room where this whole nightmare started but Drew follows me.

"GO AWAY THIS YOUR FAULT IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT," I scream at him but break into tears at the same time.

"What is Clare?" Drew persists he sure is stubborn.

"It's all your fault," I blubber in a much weaker voice. "I can't…I'm going to go crazy…he…" I choke on my words starting to crumble to the floor and Drew catches me but I don't want to be in his arms and I start beating on his chest. "I hate you, I hate you this is your fault," I tell him in stronger voice hitting his chest as hard as I can which isn't fazing him at all.

"Clare what's on your wrist?" Drew asks catching my hand and pulling down my sleeve. A dark blue and purple bruise left by Vince last night is around my wrist like a bracelet only in the shape of a hand. "Clare who did this?"

**Will Clare tell Drew or clam up again? What will Vince do after watching Clare talk to Officer Turner? You'll have to wait until May 28****th**** to find out.**


	5. I Am Guilty by Design

**Winners for last week's poll are up on the DeGrassi Saviors website and new character polls are up. This week it's Adam, Alli and Paige. Be sure and get your votes in the poll will stay up for one week.**

**Ch. 5 I Am Guilty by Design**

**(CLARE)**

"Clare who did this?" Drew asks looking at the bruise on my wrist. He waits for an answer but all I can do is bite my lip and fight back the tears. "Are there more?" He questions beginning to pull down the sleeve a little more. "Is someone beating you? Did you get in a…" he pauses when he gets near my elbow, "are those track marks?"

"Just leave me alone Drew please," I whimper.

"Clare what…"

"DREW JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" I shriek pushing him away from me but he won't let go of me.

"No not until you tell me what h…"

"What's going on in here?" Mr. Perino asks opening the door and giving us a look, it's a look that's somewhere between concern and anger. Drew lets go and steps away from me. "Both of you get to class," Perino says.

"Miss Dawes asked me to get something," I tell Mr. Perino and it takes every ounce of self-control I have to make myself sound normal and not like I'm about to break down.

"Alright Drew out you have no reason to be in the room out," Perino demands.

Drew gives me a look but he leaves the room, I turn around and walk down the aisle turning my back on Mr. Perino. I go behind a shelf pretending to look for something and I hear Mr. Perino leave. When he's gone I sink to the floor no longer able to keep it together. I start shaking, crying, my breathing becomes labored, I have a small breakdown, long enough that I hear the bell ring for class. Not that I intended on going to a class with Drew in it after what just happened anyway. After some time my tears stop and I'm able to breathe again. I don't intend to go to class but I don't want to go home either, Vince will find me at home. Maybe I can hide out in the library until lunch and I can probably make it through art. My final period is a spare so I can hang out at The Dot with Fitz, assuming I can make it there. I wipe my tears and get up turning the corner to go out the doors but gasp when I see Jim standing in front of them. He must have come in while I was crying, I didn't hear him come in and I'm actually a little surprised he didn't come back to me. Then again Vince has had them keeping an eye on me from a distance.

"Vince says you can't leave," Jim says but it's more like an order.

"You can tell Vince he can go to hell. Move or I scream," I reply.

"No one will hear you it won't matter. Vince is on his way," Jim tells me.

"NO GET OUT OF MY WAY!" I scream running to the door and trying to push my way past Jim.

It doesn't work Jim grabs my arms squeezing hard and shoving me down. I fall to the floor, landing on my back, the wind knocked out of me I struggle to breathe. He gets on me, gripping my arms and pushing me into the floor like he's trying to force me through it.

"Vince says we can't hurt that pretty face of yours but otherwise we can do what we want with you. He wouldn't let us do that with Bianca, but she never tried to fight," Jim says before smashing his lips to mine.

I struggle, cough and wheeze in an effort to breathe, my arms are still pinned but I can hit him a little, I try and scratch at him but his thick coat prevents it. I hit him but I can't get much leverage nor do I have much strength. He only stops kissing me when the door opens again and I hear two sets of footsteps. Jim gets off me and I see Vince with Terry standing there.

"She tried to run," Jim tells her as he gets up and Vince comes over pulling me up. He then picks me up and carries me back to the sofa; this whole nightmare began in this very spot. Only Vince and Jim are back here Terry must be watching the door.

"What the hell did you tell the cops? I told you not to talk to the cops," Vince growls.

"I didn't say anything to the cops, Mr. Turner was already here and he's my friend's dad. I don't know why he was here, he simply said hello and asked about my parents that was it. Then he got a call on his radio and left. That was it I swear I didn't say anything about you," I reply but do so in tears.

Vince looks at me studying my eyes trying to determine if I'm telling the truth or not. He keeps his mouth twisted and his eyes narrowed, either he doesn't believe me or he's just plain angry.

"You shouldn't have said anything; you shouldn't be talking to Drew either. You still haven't learned. Hold her down," Vince says to Jim.

"NO!" I scream just before Jim clamps his hand over my mouth.

Vince sits on my legs, Jim holds down my arm and his other hand on my mouth, his arm compressed on my chest. I try to fight, to struggle but it's futile, between they're bodies and the sofa I'm pinned so well I can barely move. I scream against Jim's hand but it does nothing, I can't bite his hand either he's holding it just high enough that my teeth don't reach his fingers. Vince takes my right arm holds it tight and uses his belt as a tourniquet, then takes a syringe from his pocket and when he takes off the cap I squirm and fight as much as I'm able. It does me no good of course, the needle goes into my arm, whatever terrible drug or poison he has in the syringe invades my blood stream. For another few minutes I struggle and fight but then I stop, the drug's effects seizing hold of my brain and I body I melt away.

I'm calm now, nor fear no anxiety, the fact that Vince is taking down my jeans and panties doesn't bother me at all. I feel euphoric, a tingling orgasmic sensation radiating from my chest. I'm aware of nothing and everything all at once. And then things begin to go black, a darkness begins closing in on me and I'm taken into unconsciousness.

**(DREW)**

"Dallas said he saw Clare this morning, said that you talked to her and then she didn't show up to class so what did you say to her?" Adam inquires in an accusatory tone when first period is over.

"Nothing she wouldn't even talk to me Adam, I told her to talk to me for your sake and she ran from me. Said everything was Dallas' fault or maybe mine, she ran to the storage room, I followed her Adam I tried to talk to her and she screamed at me to get away. She…" I pause before I reveal that she had a bruise on her wrist and a needle mark in her arm. I don't know what happened to her and I don't want to worry Adam.

"She what?" Adam prods when I don't continue.

"She probably just didn't want to see me, I'm sure you'll see her next period," I tell my brother.

"I don't know what happened between you two but find a way to fix it. She's my best friend and you're supposed to be running student council together," Adam scolds me before walking off to class.

I'm sure that she won't talk to me but after seeing the bruise on her wrist and the needle mark in her arm I'm also certain Clare wouldn't do that to herself. I might not be the brightest person but I'm sure that something else is going on, something that's tearing Clare apart and it's more than just what transpired between us. I go to my nutrition and health class but I've got this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, there was something really off about Clare, I knew she'd probably be upset with me but this was different.

"You hear about Clare's supposed stalker?" Dallas questions as he sits down at his desk.

"What?"

"Bo told me he heard Clare telling Turner that some guy followed her to school in a car," Luke informs me sitting at his desk next to Dallas.

"The girl is mental, I knew that when she smacked me. If someone was stalking her in a car wouldn't they just grab her? She probably just wants attention," Dallas says and the uneasy feeling I had is now so big it's making me queasy. If Clare really was being stalked I'll bet it's whoever gave her the bruise and she is not the type to say or do things to get attention. In general Clare seems to want to avoid attention. I hop up from my desk leaving my backpack and run out of the classroom. "Drew where are you going?" Dallas calls after me but I don't care.

I don't really know where I'm running I just need to find Clare. She didn't come to class and when I look through the window of Miss Dawes writer's craft class I see Adam but Clare's desk is empty. She's not at her locker, the library or outside, I even go out to The Dot but she's not in the café. Fitz is working and glares at me, really glares at me like he wants to just hope over the desk and wring my neck, guess he knows about me and Clare. I don't see her in the café and I somehow doubt she's in the employee lounge so I go back to school. She could have gone home I suppose so I get in my car and go to her house, no one is home and when I use the spare key to get in the house is empty. I go back to school, it'll be lunch soon maybe Clare will show up to eat lunch. I park and go in just sort of walking the halls and then it suddenly occurs to me that she may just never have left the storage room, she gave Perino that excuse maybe she just stayed there to avoid me.

"Clare," I call into the storage room but get no answer, doesn't mean she's not here just that she doesn't want to talk to me.

I walk further back into the room, as soon as the sofa comes into view I see Clare's legs on them, well I see her jeans. I walk over getting ready to tell her she's being childish and she needs to at least be able to be in class with me. She has to talk to me, be able to be on student council, and that despite what happened she should be able to be civil with me. Only when I take a few more steps I see that she appears to be sleeping, she lies on the sofa, her shoes sort of off of it in a weird way, her head turned into the back of the sofa. I'm about to walk out and let her sleep but I stop and turn around, her right sleeve is pulled down and I see another needle mark on her arm but no needle or drug paraphernalia anywhere. I kneel down and really look at her, she's fully dressed but her jeans are slightly twisted and the fly is down. I move her and a blue syringe cap falls from between her hip to the sofa cushion. I can see that she's breathing so I move a little and move her eyelids so I can see her eyes. Her pupils are dilated, her eyes bloodshot, she's high.

"Clare," I say shaking her gently but she only groans a little.

I get out my cell to call 911 but then stop if I call 911 and an ambulance comes it the school everyone will hear about it, colleges will hear about it and her parents. She'll have the stigma of getting high at school hanging over her, they could think that I raped her or we had sex in here again. It's almost lunch if I'm going to move her it needs to be soon. I pick her up putting her over my shoulder and carry her out to my car quickly. I take the back way just to be sure no one sees us, I put her in the back and get in, I start driving but I don't know where to go. I can't take her to her house her mom or Glen might come home, I can't take her to my house my mom probably is home. Then I remember Owen has an apartment, I've been there a couple of times I helped him move and I hung out there with B before school started. He lives with Fitz but Clare was there last night Owen came and got her from school yesterday. I'm sure Owen also has experience with people being high and will know what to do. I drive there and park downstairs, toss Clare over my shoulder again and go up to their apartment knocking on the door.

"Yeah what?" Owen calls.

"It's me open up," I holler through the door.

"What the fuck happened?" Owen demands upon opening the door but does step aside so I can come in.

"She's high on something, I found her passed out in the storage room. I was going to call 911 but I wasn't sure that was a good idea," I explain as I set her on the sofa. "There's needle marks in her arm, her jeans fly was open, she was almost hysterical this morning and I thought she just…"

"Dude slow down," Owen says cutting me off, "what's she on?"

"I don't know how many drugs can you inject into someone's arm?"

"A lot. Okay you saw her this morning?"

"Yeah I was trying to talk to her; she got to school and ran into the washroom. I told Dallas I needed to talk to her so he watched the door; she was getting sick in one of the stalls. I thought I got her pregnant that maybe that's why she was so angry she couldn't even look at me. See at the hoedown…"

"Yeah we fucking heard," Owen replies.

"I confronted her, asked if she was pregnant and she said no. I begged her to talk to me for Adam's sake, she said she couldn't and then she ran off so I followed her into the storage room. I asked her what the hell was going on and she just went crazy, hitting my chest and telling me she hated me. That's when I noticed this," I tell him showing Owen the bruise on her wrist.

"Fuck who the hell did that?"

"I don't know, I asked her about, asked if someone was hurting her and she told me to get away. I pulled her sleeve down more and that's when I noticed this first needle mark, it's faint but I saw it. I asked her about it, she screamed at me and Perino came in. He made me leave the room so I went to class. She didn't come to class and Adam was mad at me, I figured she just didn't want to see me but when I got to my next class I heard from Luke and Dallas that Clare told Turner someone followed her to school. I had a bad feeling so I went looking for her, I looked everywhere, all around school, The Dot, her house and then I went back to the storage room, it looked like she was sleeping. Then I noticed the fresh needle mark in her arm, when I went over I saw her jeans were slightly twisted and the fly was open. I know she's high, I don't know on what and I don't know what the hell else happened to her, I didn't know where else to go."

"Get some water, there's some straws in the silverware drawer. There's washcloths in the washroom, bring me a few damp ones we'll try to wake her up. Fitz opened so he should be home soon," Owen says.

I go to the kitchen and get a glass of water putting a straw in it and take it to Owen. Then I get a couple of washcloths and wet them before wringing them out to make sure they aren't too wet. Owen has her propped up a little; he puts one washcloth on her forehead and the other at the back of her neck.

"Someone did this, got her high and…" I stop not wanting to think about it. "I shouldn't have left her," I sight regretfully after a minute and hand my head.

"She's been hanging out here a lot, B was here over break and Clare was staying here. Clare woke up in the middle of the night screaming bloody murder after a nightmare. B said she thought Clare was raped, we knew it couldn't have been you but Clare didn't want to talk and B just told us to be her friend and look out for her. We should have pressed or watched her better," Owen tells me regretfully and then looks at Clare. "Clare, Clare wake up and look at me we need to know what you're on," Owen tells her in a firm voice shaking her a little but she only groans. "Clare," he says louder and slaps her across the face. I'm about to scold him for hitting her when Clare opens her eyes.

"Clare, look at me," I tell her and her eyes turn in my direction, still blood shot and glassy but I know she recognizes me when her eyes narrow in anger.

"I don't feel well," Clare says looking at Owen.

"Yeah we know, drink some water," Owen tells her holding the straw to her lips. Clare drinks a few sips and then the door opens and Fitz comes in.

"What the fuck happened? What did you do to her?" Fitz growls looking at me.

"It wasn't Drew," Owen says in my defense.

"Well what's wrong with her then?" Fitz asks coming over.

"No go away, no," Clare sobs when we're all crowded around her.

"Guys back up, she's scared back up," Fitz orders pulling us back.

Clare curls up, folding herself into this ball and she sobs. Fitz sits near her on the sofa; I sit on the arm and Owen next to him. I tell Fitz everything I told Owen while Clare continues to sob and when I get to the part about finding her in the storage room Clare screams, she starts shaking, curling up even more.

"Clare you're safe now, it's okay you're safe now," Fitz assures her in a calm voice as he gently rubs her arm. Clare turns into him and sobs on his shoulder, he puts his arm around her and she seems to relax at his touch a little. "You're safe we won't let anyone hurt you, none of us will," he tells her in a gentle tone.

For a while, other than the sounds of her sobbing and labored breaths, we're silent. We let her cry, Fitz encourages her to drink water and she sobs on his chest. Slowly her crying begins to halt and her breathing is normal again.

"We know someone has been hurting you, please tell us who, please tell us what happened," Owen urges but in a calm and gentle tone. She shakes her head and turns into Fitz more.

"Clare please tell us who hurt you. Tell us what's been going on; if we know who's been hurting you then we can help, we can stop it. I swear we will never let them hurt you again but we have to know who's hurting you. Please Clare tell us who, tell us what happened so we can protect you," Fitz encourages her. Clare picks her head up, moves away from Fitz just a little and looks at her hands.

"I ran from the hoedown," she says quietly and I swallow hard thinking this all started that night. "I just ran out after Drew said he wouldn't be a rebound I just ran out, I was angry and I ran out without my coat or anything I just ran. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going, I just ran. I didn't stop until I ran into someone, he was with a group and he asked me what was wrong. He called me saloon girl because of the dress. I tried to get away; he put his arm around me, told me to come with them. They surrounded me I couldn't get away. I didn't realize who he was, not even when he said his name but he did look familiar. They took me to a room, a club house or something. I told them I was feeling better and I tried to leave but they wouldn't let me, they offered me a beer and I told them no so they brought me water. They asked why I was out alone dressed like a saloon girl and I told them, I couldn't think of a lie so I told them the truth. I didn't mean to t…I should have…I…" she stops talking now as she begins to cry again and Fitz rubs her back gently.

"One of you get her some more water," Fitz tells us holding out the glass. I take it and fill it with water handing it back to Fitz. He holds it to Clare's lips and she takes a few sips, after a couple of deep breaths Clare continues.

"They forced me to drink a beer, I hated it, I choked on it. Then he kissed my neck and told me they were going to have some fun. I knew they were going to rape me, I tried to run but there were seven of them and they forced me to the ground," she tells us. She's crying again but she's still talking, she's shaking a little, squeezing Fitz's hand and staring at a spot on the living room rug like she's watching it play out again. "They forced me to drink something stronger, they ripped my dress, I tried to fight but it was useless. So I gave up, I drank as much as I could; I wanted to at least go numb and hopefully pass out so I wouldn't feel anything. It was okay until he…the pain was so bad, it hurt so much not like making love."

I feel sick, closing my eyes and clenching my fists. Hearing that she was raped less than an hour after we made love, knowing she never would have run out if I hadn't told her I thought she was a rebound. I feel like someone reached in and ripped out my guts.

"I was screaming and he told them to inject me, shot me up with something and I wasn't in pain anymore, I wasn't fighting I felt…euphoric."

"Some kind of opiate," Owen says quietly.

"Later he called it dragon," she tells us and Fitz grits his teeth.

"They shot her up with heroin," Fitz informs us.

"My euphoria didn't last long, I began to panic I think I realized…" Clare stops and looks away before continuing but she doesn't say what she was going to say. "Zig found me the next morning, they took me home. I thought he was Eli, I was still a little high and after everything I guess I wanted believe he was Eli. I slept I guess, I don't remember them bringing me home but I woke up in my bed. When I woke up and found them there I knew I hadn't dreamt it all and I started crying. I told them all I could remember and that's when I realized, really realized it was him. He told me I was the new Bianca."

"Bianca?" The three of us say in nearly the same tone but Clare's still talking in a shaky voice.

"He wants me to be the new Bianca, he should be in jail after what he did to Adam but he's out."

"Fuck," I exclaim realizing who it was, "fucking b…" I start and then run to the washroom as I get sick, vomiting in the toilet.

"What?" Owen questions following me but leans in the doorway.

"It was Vince, it is Vince," I tell him and throw up again.

"Shit that fucking bastard, everything he's done and now Clare," Owen sighs.

He gets me some water and I drink it down then we return to the sofa. Clare keeps talking and it just keeps getting worse. Vince has been terrorizing her, threatening her, me and Adam. Telling her over and over he wants her to be the new Bianca. Plying her with heroin and what we believe was GHB so he could rape her repeatedly, including Christmas day, her house last night and the storage room this morning. When she's done she curls up again, sobbing so hard she can barely breathe, her body shakes so much it shakes the sofa. Owen, Fitz and I all have about the same look of disgust, regret and shame on our faces. After throwing up again and drinking some water I take my cell phone into Owen's room, I call Bianca but get her voicemail she must be in class.

"It's me, I know we broke up and we haven't talked in a while. I know you know what happened between me and Clare but it was…shit B it was Vince that raped her, maybe a few of his gang. She's been…he's been terrorizing her, raping her and hurting her. We're at Owen's and I know you got classes and everything but we don't know what to do, don't know how to help her. Please come home, please she needs you, I need you I don't know how to help her."

**We're nearing the end of this story but at least you don't have to wait a month for the next chapter. You just have to wait a week, the update is next Friday in short story month and will pick up from around here.**


	6. Fears That Once Controlled Me

**Welcome to short story month! Twenty-five straight days of short stories, revolving in order! Check the DeGrassi Saviors website and my page for the calendar.**

**Winners for last week's poll are up on the DeGrassi Saviors website and new character polls are up. This week it's Bianca, Eli &amp; Fiona . Be sure and get your votes in the poll will stay up for one week.**

**Also the home page on the website has been changed so check that out. **

**Last chapter everyone enjoy!**

**Ch. 6 Fears That Once Controlled Me**

**(BIANCA)**

"Hey what are you doing here?" Owen asks when he opens the door to his apartment. He's not angry that I'm here, just shocked really but also happy.

"Drew called," I reply stepping into the apartment.

"You came," Drew grins with relief. I see him and Owen but I don't see Clare, I left right after class and drove straight here took me 45 minutes.

"Yeah I came, fucking Vince how the fuck is he even out of prison? And where is Clare?"

"We tried to convince her to let us call Officer Turner and she freaked out. She started screaming and then passed out, we got her to drink some water but she just sort of shut down. I put her in Fitz's room to lie down we didn't know what else to do," Owen tells me just as we hear a key in the lock then the door opens and Fitz comes in.

"Hey B," Fitz smiles at me and then glares at my ex, "Drew," Fitz says with gritted teeth.

"Easy Fitz he brought Clare here, Vince is the one that raped her. Has been raping her and drugging her with heroine and we think GHB," Owen tell Fitz.

Fitz does calm down, actually he goes green, "Vince ra…drugs…where's Clare?"

"Your room," Owen replies and Fitz starts to walk to his room but Owen catches his arm. "Hang on she's really upset, she's been terrorized by Vince and his gang. He, or possibly they, raped her even this morning at the school, drugged her and raped her in the storage room. That's where Drew found her and he didn't know what to do so he brought her here. She's probably still coming down from the heroine they injected into her. She told us everything but she's shut down, she's really traumatized and I don't know how she'll react to you going in there. We tried to get her to go to the cops, to let us call Officer Turner but she just freaked out, she wouldn't let Drew or even let me touch her but calmed down slightly when I suggested she go lie down in your room."

"Come on Fitz I'll go with you, she probably won't freak out so much if she sees me first," I tell Fitz.

Owen lets go of his arm and I lead the way into Fitz's room. Clare lies in a fetal position, she's sobbing quietly but sobbing hard enough that it shakes her body. I can see in his face and his body language how Fitz wants to just run over and hold her but I doubt that will do her any good right now. I make him wait at the door and I walk over sitting on the bed, I don't touch her yet just sit on the bed and let her know I'm there.

"Clare it's Bianca and Fitz," I tell her in a soft gentle voice, "do you need anything? You should probably drink some more water."

I grab the water glass from the nightstand and she sits up a little. She starts taking a few timid sips of water and I brush her hair back from her face. You can see how much she's been crying, how pale she is either due to the drugs or the crying or maybe just everything. What's truly heartbreaking however is her eyes, so much pain and fear are clouding her usually bright crystal blue eyes.

"It's Vince," she whispers mostly into her glass.

"I know Drew and Owen told us, why don't you take a nice hot shower?"

Clare looks at the glass and bites her lip a little, before nodding. I take her hand and help her up, we walk through the living room back to the washroom. I close the door and turn the water on for her.

"He said I was going to be the new Bianca, he wanted me to. I tried to stay away but he sent people to watch me. The others did what he said, all but Zig and Tiny," Clare tells me in tears as we wait for the water to heat up.

"Vince is an asshole who likes to control people, making people afraid is all he's ever done. You're safe now, he can't get you here and we'll make sure he can never get you again," I assure her.

"We can't go to the cops, he said he'd hurt Adam he wants to hurt Drew. I've been keeping him from doing anything but if we go to the cops…"

"We'll make sure everyone is safe I promise, Drew included. I'm leaving the door unlocked but only so I can come check on you okay?"

Clare nods and I close the door, I lean against the wall and close my eyes fighting the tears back. I feel a hand on my arm and I open my eyes locking them with the deep blue eyes of my ex.

"She did exactly what I did, well maybe not exactly but close enough. He wanted her to be the new Bianca and as hard as she tried to fight it she still did. She didn't sell drugs or anything and he forced her to take drugs and raped her, she thought she was doing it to protect everyone," I tell Drew quietly.

"I know," he nods bringing me into his arms and I feel a great sense of comfort in them. "I told her I wouldn't be a rebound, I let her run out and right into Vince's claws. Then he threatened me and Adam and she's been too afraid to go to the cops because she was sure she was protecting us. Now she's scared, so scared I don't think she can think rationally anymore."

"Rational or not she has a point, we know Vince is not above coming after people. We need to make sure Adam is safe, Dallas should be going home after school. She also mentioned Zig and Tiny maybe they can go to your house? At least for a while," I comment.

"Yeah and school will be out soon," Drew says looking at his phone. He lets go of me just a little and looks at the other two. "Hey I'm going to run the car back to Adam, have him and Dallas take Zig and Tiny with them to my house just to be safe," Drew says to Owen.

"Zig is the one that first called me but what does he have to do with all this?" Owen inquires.

"I think he and Tiny are in Vince's gang but he helped her," I inform them.

"Zig lives with Maya, pretty sure Vince knows we've been here. I'll go with you and grab Tris and Maya, can they hang at your place? At least until my parents are home and then they can go there?"

"Yeah of course," Drew nods.

"I'll go with you guys, Fitz stay here with Clare. I'm just going to tell her we're leaving and that we'll be back soon," I tell the boys and go back into the washroom. "Fitz will be with here with you, Drew, Owen and I will be right back. We're just going to make sure the others are safe okay?"

"Okay," she says from the floor of the shower where she's sitting. Owen, Drew and I leave the apartment, I ride with Drew and Owen follows in his car.

"What happened with me and Clare, it was a mistake," Drew says after we've been driving a couple of minutes. "Actually it never should have happened," he adds before I can speak.

"You're telling me you didn't want to sleep with Clare?"

"Of course I did…well that is…what I meant was…" Drew pauses to collect his thoughts. "I like Clare and I won't deny we shared feelings. I know she felt them too and it was," Drew pauses whistling a breathing out to express how great sex with Clare was, "great better than that. Thing is when Dallas told me I was Clare's rebound I listened. It made sense in the moment, she had just broken up with Eli and she told him I had nothing to do with their breakup. I was also trying to replace you, not that you and Clare have much in common but a lot of what Drew me to Clare are things I love about you. I should have realized this; I should have stayed her friend and called you, talked to you. Instead I shared one really great time with Clare, ruined the friendship that we had and she was so upset she ran out and Vince found her at her most vulnerable."

"You can't change it now and hindsight is always 20/20. Make it up to her, show her that you still care and be there for her now when she needs you the most and maybe your friendship won't be ruined," I tell Drew just as we pull up to DeGrassi.

Adam's just coming out to the steps and Drew gets out of the car just as Owen parks. Owen and I get out of the cars and Adam sees us all and begins walking over to us.

"Hey Bianca good to see you," Adam says slowly but with a smile. "Where in the hell have you been?" Adam asks his brother.

"Helping Clare," Drew replies.

"Clare where is she?"

"She's at my place, Fitz is with her," Owen informs him.

"Maya, Tris, Zig and Tiny are going to come over until Owen's parents get home," Drew tells Adam.

"Okay why?" Adam inquires.

"Because Vince is out of jail and he's been terrorizing Clare since the hoedown," Drew says.

"He what? How could he be out of prison after everything? What do you mean he's been terrorizing her? You mean she wasn't acting weird because of you?" Adam asks all at once.

"I'll explain later, we have to get back there but Vince threatened you and me and some others which is why everyone is going to our place," Drew tells him.

"Zig you're in a gang?! Why didn't you tell me you were in a gang?" Maya exclaims she's walking over with Zig, Tiny, Tris and Owen; he must have gone to get them while we were talking to Adam.

"It's complicated Maya," Zig replies.

"It always is with you," she shakes her head.

"I'll drive them over you guys take Adam, where is Dallas?" Owen questions.

"Said something about going out with Alli," Adam shrugs.

"Okay you all stay at our house with doors locked and if anyone sees Vince or one of his gang call the cops immediately," Drew insists. We all get into the two cars and start driving to Drew and Adam's.

"How badly did Vince hurt Clare?" Adam questions as Drew pulls out of the DeGrassi parking lot.

"Bad, very bad the kind of bad she might never recover from."

**(FITZ)**

When the others leave I grab a fresh towel from the closet and knock softly on the washroom door.

"Clare it's just me, I brought you a towel can I come in?" I call through the door. When she doesn't answer I open it slowly and see her huddled on the floor of the tub. I walk over and feel the water it's no longer warm so I turn it off putting the towel around Clare's shoulders. "Come on you need to get out, you're going to freeze," I tell her lifting her up. She lets me pick her up but quickly covers herself with the towel. Her eyes are sort of hallow it's like she's been turned off. Now that she's revealed what she's been going through, what Vince has been putting her through it's like she's checked out.

I grab Owen's robe from the hook on the door and put it around Clare. She still isn't moving so I pick her up and take her to my room. She's almost comatose she's hardly reacting to anything. I can see and feel how she's lost weight since she first stayed the night here.

"I don't feel so good," she says in a voice that's half pleading and half whining. She's sweating and shaking a little, I doubt it's all from the shower turning cold.

"Yeah you're probably coming down still," I tell her going to my dresser and getting out a pair of sweats and a t-shirt for her. "Here you can put these on. Lie down and I'll get you some more water. You'll sleep here tonight in my bed like before."

"Don't let Vince get me again, I can't…not again…" she pleads sobbing and gripping me.

"He won't Clare not again, not ever again I promise," I assure her.

After a moment she lets go of me and grabs the t-shirt so I leave the room to allow her privacy to change. I get her a new glass of water and wait a few moments until I'm sure she's changed. I knock on the door softly and she says to come in. She's wearing my t-shirt and sweats and also putting Owen's robe back on.

"They other's should be back soon do you want to lie down in here for a while?" I ask her handing her the glass of water.

"Yes but will you sit with me?"

I simply smile and sit on the bed, she drinks down the water and lies down, her back is to me and she's curled up but at least she's not crying anymore. She is silent though and she stays silent for the whole time we're in there, it's about half an hour before the others return. When I hear the front door open I cautiously put my hand on Clare's arm.

"Owen, Bianca and Drew are back you want to go sit in the living room?"

She doesn't say anything but she does get up walking out to the living room. I follow and when Clare sits in the arm chair I sit on the sofa.

"Is Adam safe? Are you sure they're safe?" Clare asks.

"Yes they're safe they're all at my house. Adam, Zig, Tris, Tiny and Maya and they'll stay there until Owen's parents are home. If they see Vince or anyone from his gang they'll call the cops," Drew assures her.

"If they call the cops Vince will…"

"He'll be arrested Clare. You need to tell the cops what happened, Vince will go to jail," Owen asserts.

"No," Clare shakes her head.

"Clare we'll make sure he can't hurt anyone, including you but he won't go to jail if you don't tell the cops what happened, his gang won't testify against him," Bianca tells her in a firm voice.

"I don't want him to hurt me anymore, I can't take it anymore," Clare begs with tears in her eyes.

"He won't not if he's in jail. Drew is going to call Officer Turner okay? He can come get your statement or bring an officer that can," Bianca says and Clare nods slightly.

Drew calls Turner but Clare refuses to go the police station so Turner says he'll bring a detective from violent crimes. We make Clare drink some water while we wait for the cops, it doesn't take long for them to get here. Turner comes in with a female detective they sit down and Clare repeats her whole story, Drew and Owen have already heard it but me and Bianca haven't. When I think about the worst can happen to her it pales to what really happened. Being repeatedly raped, drugged and kept afraid so that she's practically brain washed. She was raped last night and again this morning at the school. After her statement Turner calls in an arrest warrant for Vince and several members of his gang, excluding Zig and Tiny.

The female detective convinces Clare to go to the hospital and have her injuries photographed but Clare wants all of us to go with her. While we go with the female detective to the hospital Turner will go to Drew's house and get statements from Zig and Tiny to corroborate Clare's statement. We drive over in Owen's car; Clare sits up front, Bianca in the back, in the middle between me and Drew. The detective follows in her car but calls ahead to the hospital to tell them we're coming. Clare is brought through the main entrance and taken to an exam room, a female doctor gets pictures of all of Clare's injuries and even though Clare insists it will do them no good she gets a rape kit as well. We weren't in the room with her we were in the waiting room.

"Wait I have more evidence, the day after it happened I went to a clinic and was diagnosed with trichomoniasis. I had to get it from one of them, although none of them got tested but I could think okay, as traumatized as I was. I collected evidence; it's in a bag in the freezer at my house. I don't know how much help it will be, they may have worn condoms I don't remember anything," Clare tells the detective when she comes out of the room.

"No that's great Clare I'm sure it will be very useful. Is anyone at your house I can go there and collect it?"

"What time is it?" Clare asks.

"A little after six," I tell her.

"My stepdad will be home, possibly my mom too. They don't know any of this."

"That's alright I can tell them and I'll tell them that you're staying with friends tonight."

Clare nods and we go back to Owen's car, the five of us returning to mine and Owen's apartment. We all go upstairs and Clare sits back in the armchair.

"I should probably get home, I'll umm stop by tomorrow Fitz said you were sleeping here," Drew tells her.

"I'll sleep here too, call in sick tomorrow," Bianca says.

"Drew make sure they're safe, Adam and everyone tell me they're safe," Clare requests.

"I will," he replies and quietly leaves the apartment.

Owen puts in a frozen pizza in the oven, Clare doesn't eat anything and the rest of us eat very little. Clare's mom called while the pizza was baking but Clare didn't answer, after the third time her called Bianca answered and said that Clare was sleeping at her place and she was safe but traumatized and didn't want to talk. Drew called Owen's phone and told Clare that Adam and everyone was safe. Maya and Zig would both be sleeping at Tristan's house. Then Turner called and said that Vince and three other gang members had been arrested and were in custody.

"I want to go to bed," Clare says after we hang up with Turner.

"Okay," I nod.

"Could you maybe sleep on the floor?" She asks me.

"Yeah if that's what you want," I nod.

"Yes I feel safer when you're around," she replies and I smile the fact that she feels safe with me makes me happy.

"Well if he's sleeping in there with you I'll take the sofa. Sleep well kids," Bianca says.

Owen says goodnight and we go into my room. Clare's been wearing my t-shirt, sweats and Owen's robe this whole time but now she takes off the robe and gets into my bed. I make a bed on the floor of blankets and spare pillows.

"That was smart, what you did collecting the evidence that first day," I tell her as I turn off the light and lie in the makeshift bed on the floor.

"I could think better then, I was still scared but I hadn't been so conditioned at the time. I wanted him to be caught even though I wasn't sure I'd ever report the rape. The thing with Asher didn't exactly turn out well it was laughed out of court pretty much," Clare comments. I'm not really sure who Asher is but I'm betting she doesn't want to talk about it right now.

"It was really brave and smart none the less, not everyone would have been able to think to do that after what you'd been through."

"Fitz?" She ventures after a few moments of silence.

"Yeah?"

"Will you hold me?"

"Are you sure? I don't want to scare you, I mean I don't want you to feel Vince and not me or something," I remark.

"I'm sure I told you I feel safe with you," she says.

I'm not going to question it again so I get up and go to the bed. Clare moves over and I get in lying on my side, she's on her side facing me and cradled into me. She starts to cry, not heavy sobs just light and silent crying against my chest. It's sort of relieved crying, relief that her nightmare is drawing to an end. I don't know what to say so I just run her back and after a short time she falls asleep.

"I won't let Vince hurt you ever again, I'll protect you I promise," I assure her kissing her forehead lightly.

I lie awake for a very long time watching her sleep until I finally sleep myself.

**(CLARE)**

"The sentencing is at three, I'll pick you up and we'll go straight to the courthouse," Mom says when she drops me at school.

"I know Mom Drew and Adam are coming too, Bianca's driving down she'll give them a ride and Fitz and Owen are bringing Zig and Tiny," I remind her as I get out of the car.

It's been two months Drew found me in the storage room and he and Owen finally forced me to tell them everything. Next week is our March break and I'll be spending most of mine either with Adam or with Fitz who has officially been my boyfriend for three days now. After that night heh held me in bed I began spending more and more time at Fitz and Owen's place. I felt safe with him always, began to have feelings for him but he didn't want to rush things so we've been deepening our friendship and making sure our feeling were genuine. He's been there for me through each trial, each testimony, each time I cried out of pain, frustration of fear. He never complained, never pushed and always did anything I asked without question. When he finally talked about a relationship and brought up the fact that he did want to be my boyfriend I told him I was ready.

We're not the only happy relationship to come out of this nightmare either, Zig and Maya have been dating almost two months now. Even better Drew and Bianca are back together, not re-engaged only dating but they're both very happy. They see each other every weekend, sometimes Drew goes to Waterloo but most often Bianca comes home, she and I have become quite close. Zig and Tiny are out of the gang since it's dissolved. Most of the gang members were tried together and each got a sentence of at least two years and some as many as seven. Their charges ranged from distributing illegal narcotics to aggravated assault. Vince was tried separately and he had a whole slew of charges including multiple rape accounts. With my evidence and testimony along with Zig and Tiny's testimony and Vince's prior convictions there wasn't much Vince could do. They were all tried in bench trials which helped to expedite them. Today he gets sentenced and I pray it will be a long one. It will be another step on the road to healing, I've taken a few but it's a long road. Vince's arrest and the trial barely made it into the papers so there were very few rumors at school.

"Hey Clare," Adam smiles when I get up to the steps joining him and Drew.

"Morning Adam, morning Drew," I smile back.

"Hey Clare," he grins.

After I found a bit of my sanity again Drew and I had a very long talk. It was a talk we probably should have had months ago. We talked about our feelings for each other, about what had been building all of last semester and the holes each of us were trying to fill. He told me it was Dallas that put the idea in his head that he was a rebound. We talked for over two hours, he apologized, I apologized and in the end we came out as friends again. He's happy with Bianca again and I'm happy with Fitz, Adam is very happy that Drew and I are speaking again.

"Mom wants to have a celebratory BBQ tonight if you're up for it," Adam tells me.

"Yeah that sounds good, hopefully there will be something to celebrate," I reply.

"Don't worry, no way Vince gets less time than any of the gang members," Drew says.

I smile and we walk into school, the day seems to take forever but it's probably just that I'm anticipating Vince's sentencing this afternoon. When school is out Mom is here to pick me up. She brought me a change of clothes of course even though the hearing will take less than an hour. I change in the washroom at the courthouse and then we go into the courtroom. Drew, Bianca and Adam get here after a few minutes, Owen, Fitz, Maya, Zig and Tiny arrive a moment later. We all sit together, Fitz next to me and when Vince is led in I squeeze Fitz's hand. The judge enters and when we're all seated she speaks.

"Vincent Bell you have been found guilty of three counts of aggravated sexual assault, four counts of aggravated assault, three accounts of distributing illegal substances. Given your past history of violence and breaking the law, along with the harrowing testimony of Miss Edwards I sentence you to the maximum sentence. You are hereby sentenced to twenty five years in maximum security. Bailiff please escort Mr. Bell out of this courtroom," the judge says.

As Fitz is being led out I smile turning to Fitz and letting out a relieved breath, he hugs me tightly and everyone else is cheering. We take a few minutes celebrating Fitz's incarceration. I won't be here in 25 years, I still plan on attending Columbia next fall and I've already applied. When we leave the courtroom Mom goes home, I ride with Drew, Bianca, Adam and Fitz back to the Torres house for the BBQ. Owen is going to pick up Tris before going to the Torres house for the BBQ. We greet Audra and Omar when we arrive, Omar is already cooking. We tell them the good news about Vince's sentence. As people begin to get settled Fitz pulls me away a quiet corner of the yard.

"I see it you know," he comments sitting on a retaining wall and setting me in his lap, "that weight that's come off your shoulders."

"Vince and his gang in prison, everyone is sage and I'm happy again. There's still a lot of healing to do but I'm happy. I feel like my life is coming together again," I smile.

"Your life is going to be amazing and this is just the beginning," Fitz grins.

I smile a little bigger and then capture his lips with mine for a wonderfully blissful kiss.

**That does it for this story thanks for sharing the ride with me. Replacing this will be The Best Thing You've Never Had.**


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